Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Be the change
There has been quite a few posts that I have come across lately that have asked the question...How did I get here? What was the catalyst to the weight gain, if known? These questions have prompted me to share my nexus to weight gain.
I think I may have posted before that I really never made any real attempt to lose weight prior to my band. Maybe twice in 20 years and my two successes had other factors....stress and the moving and uprooting of my family to another state....and a cancer scare which resulted in a hysterectomy, both of which resulted in weight loss, albeit short lived. (both turned out okay too) When I got serious this time I knew enough to know I would never be successful if I didn't deal with some things from my past. So, I made a deal to myself to get healthy....Mind, Body & Spirit.
Mind
Finding a therapist...not always an easy task. I do suggest that if you seek the help of a therapist that you give it at least 5 sessions to know if they are a good fit or not. Some of the questions and topics may not seem like they have any relevance....but Everything is Relative!
I went through two before I found the one person who put it all together with a nice big bow on top and handed it back to me and said "it is yours, take it and deal with it" and so we did.
Everybody has things that are unprocessed and events that shape them, shape them right into a 20W!
My nexus: alcoholic father who died when I was young, he treated my older siblings (not his children) abusively for 10 years before I was born...however I was not treated that way....I ate that guilt
My brother was killed in a car accident on a night that we were supposed to go horseback riding. I had the hoses ready, he just wanted to go after his paycheck if I remember correctly...If I had just insisted... I ate that guilt. The rape...I ate that guilt too, even if it was not in my control...any of it
I guess my point is unless you deal with the issues that have stuffed full to shut them the hell up nothing will be successful...even the band will fail.
Body
I put everyone else first, I felt unworthy. I did not treasure the body that helped create and nourish my babies, I did not listen when it gave me subtle hints that it was sick and suffering. I am so tuned in now it freaks me out a little bit. I have put myself at the top of the list and you know what? The whole world didn't end. My kids are surviving just fine, hubby too. One advantage of the band is that it makes you focus on you and your body. You have to know when you are full. You plan your meals, you take your vitamins (mostly) get your protein...It forces you to tune in and be aware. Thank you Claire (my band)
Spirit
I struggle with this one. I have no true faith...scratch that, I have faith, it is just not defined. I feel like I have to let go of the things that are out of my hands and trust that I will know the difference between those things and the things I ultimately have total control over. I believe, I am listening, I am being guided....and on occasion the dark side grabs'hold and leads me right to the chocolate.
I occasionally print out quotes or clip a passage or paragraph that moves me in some way. I guess at the moment this is a way of feeding my spirit. Recently I was listening to a CD on my way to work and found the message inspiring, thought I would share....
(side note: the music may not be for everyone...I am a fan of folk/rock...but the lyrics got to me today.. BE the change)
http://soundcloud.com/penmusicgroup/be-the-change
BE THE CHANGE you wish to see
Be the peace that sets you free
Be the love you want to feel
Be the cure that helps you heal
Be the dreams that you desire
Be the spark of your own fire
Be the future you inspire
Be the wings that take you higher
This journey is just that...a journey! There will be twists and turns and bumps and flats....and more importantly beautiful vistas, memories and shared experiences. Glad to be on it in such good company :)
I'm outta here for the weekend, headed to stay in a treehouse resort! Gonna zipline too, unless I chicken out. Have a good weekend everyone.
I think I may have posted before that I really never made any real attempt to lose weight prior to my band. Maybe twice in 20 years and my two successes had other factors....stress and the moving and uprooting of my family to another state....and a cancer scare which resulted in a hysterectomy, both of which resulted in weight loss, albeit short lived. (both turned out okay too) When I got serious this time I knew enough to know I would never be successful if I didn't deal with some things from my past. So, I made a deal to myself to get healthy....Mind, Body & Spirit.
Mind
Finding a therapist...not always an easy task. I do suggest that if you seek the help of a therapist that you give it at least 5 sessions to know if they are a good fit or not. Some of the questions and topics may not seem like they have any relevance....but Everything is Relative!
I went through two before I found the one person who put it all together with a nice big bow on top and handed it back to me and said "it is yours, take it and deal with it" and so we did.
Everybody has things that are unprocessed and events that shape them, shape them right into a 20W!
My nexus: alcoholic father who died when I was young, he treated my older siblings (not his children) abusively for 10 years before I was born...however I was not treated that way....I ate that guilt
My brother was killed in a car accident on a night that we were supposed to go horseback riding. I had the hoses ready, he just wanted to go after his paycheck if I remember correctly...If I had just insisted... I ate that guilt. The rape...I ate that guilt too, even if it was not in my control...any of it
I guess my point is unless you deal with the issues that have stuffed full to shut them the hell up nothing will be successful...even the band will fail.
Body
I put everyone else first, I felt unworthy. I did not treasure the body that helped create and nourish my babies, I did not listen when it gave me subtle hints that it was sick and suffering. I am so tuned in now it freaks me out a little bit. I have put myself at the top of the list and you know what? The whole world didn't end. My kids are surviving just fine, hubby too. One advantage of the band is that it makes you focus on you and your body. You have to know when you are full. You plan your meals, you take your vitamins (mostly) get your protein...It forces you to tune in and be aware. Thank you Claire (my band)
Spirit
I struggle with this one. I have no true faith...scratch that, I have faith, it is just not defined. I feel like I have to let go of the things that are out of my hands and trust that I will know the difference between those things and the things I ultimately have total control over. I believe, I am listening, I am being guided....and on occasion the dark side grabs'hold and leads me right to the chocolate.
I occasionally print out quotes or clip a passage or paragraph that moves me in some way. I guess at the moment this is a way of feeding my spirit. Recently I was listening to a CD on my way to work and found the message inspiring, thought I would share....
(side note: the music may not be for everyone...I am a fan of folk/rock...but the lyrics got to me today.. BE the change)
http://soundcloud.com/penmusicgroup/be-the-change
BE THE CHANGE you wish to see
Be the peace that sets you free
Be the love you want to feel
Be the cure that helps you heal
Be the dreams that you desire
Be the spark of your own fire
Be the future you inspire
Be the wings that take you higher
This journey is just that...a journey! There will be twists and turns and bumps and flats....and more importantly beautiful vistas, memories and shared experiences. Glad to be on it in such good company :)
I'm outta here for the weekend, headed to stay in a treehouse resort! Gonna zipline too, unless I chicken out. Have a good weekend everyone.
Monday, September 21, 2009
The weekend Pitfall
The weekends seem to be my pitfall. No routine, sleep in, drink lots of coffee, eat off schedule and make poor choices and let us not forget that I routinely forget to take my vitamins too :x
I need to figure out a way to get through them without going so far off track! Ideas people?
On the flip side I tend to get quite a bit more exercise on the weekends vs. weekdays I guess I should focus on the positives, right? I got about 99% of the things I had on my "to do" list completed this weekend and a few bonus items that I had not planned on. example: took the pool down, no small task.
I've been taking advantage of my new work hours as I get off at 4pm now and that gives me a little more daylight to get in a few hikes around my ranch. We have been climbing to our water holding tank to check the water level as we had a bit of a scare this summer...the well seems to be producing now but we are still being careful.
I need to figure out a way to get through them without going so far off track! Ideas people?
On the flip side I tend to get quite a bit more exercise on the weekends vs. weekdays I guess I should focus on the positives, right? I got about 99% of the things I had on my "to do" list completed this weekend and a few bonus items that I had not planned on. example: took the pool down, no small task.
I've been taking advantage of my new work hours as I get off at 4pm now and that gives me a little more daylight to get in a few hikes around my ranch. We have been climbing to our water holding tank to check the water level as we had a bit of a scare this summer...the well seems to be producing now but we are still being careful.
I have my third fill scheduled for this Wednesday and I am thinking I am getting close to a good spot with my band...I don't feel a lot of hunger, in fact sometimes eating is a chore and I have to set aside time to get it done. However, I can eat quite a bit and rarely get stuck or PB. I have avoided a few things that I though would give me trouble and am now trying them one by one. I can't do bread, not even toasted....but today I was able to eat a pita half w/o any trouble.
Well, sorry for the boring post. You all are very creative and I enjoy reading your blogs :) I will leave you with a couple pictures of the trail to my water tank that I've been hiking. and a gift left by our resident black bear after eating quite a few blackberries!
Happy Monday!
Monday, September 14, 2009
On being married....and a few other random things
Today is my 17th wedding anniversary. I know what you all are thinking…but you have kids who are 17, 18 & 20 (Hubby has a 36 y/o too) and you would be correct.We did have all three children prior to getting married. I’ve always said that and then followed up with all the reasons (valid ones) as to why it played out that way but today I am not going to explain…it just worked out that way and I am okay with it :)
We would normally celebrate by going out to dinner and having cake (I plan to make him a blackberry pie because I picked another gallon of blackberries this weekend) Seems like a waste to go out for a meal. Guess we could always share.
Had a cool NSV this weekend. I have had a goal shirt hanging in my closet since about two weeks before I was banded. It is a western shirt with a Texas Long Horn on the back and it really cute...Got my boots, got my belt...needed the shirt. When it arrived I couldn't move when I got it on my shoulders and I could not snap it closed. I pulled it out on Sunday and thought long and hard about trying it on.....and so I did. Although, still a little tight to wear out anywhere it fit way better than the first try. I snapped the whole thing and it was very exciting. I cried! Hubby tried to make me feel better by telling me that it fit this time because my boobs are gone. Anyway, it is about a month away from fitting perfectly. Did I mention it was a Large marked 12/14 inside... NOT A SINGLE X BY IT!
I don’t have much to post about. Holding steady on the weight loss. I think I am at 41 lbs lost. I am a little over 6 weeks banded. I say I "think" because my scale does not always produce the same number as the one at the doctors. I will be going in for my third fill on Wed. and will get an official weight for my 7th week banded. I have decided to use the number I get there for updating my ticker or my "realize my success" page.
That's all I got :)
ttfn
PS- Cara, you will be missed! Enjoy your trip.
We would normally celebrate by going out to dinner and having cake (I plan to make him a blackberry pie because I picked another gallon of blackberries this weekend) Seems like a waste to go out for a meal. Guess we could always share.
Had a cool NSV this weekend. I have had a goal shirt hanging in my closet since about two weeks before I was banded. It is a western shirt with a Texas Long Horn on the back and it really cute...Got my boots, got my belt...needed the shirt. When it arrived I couldn't move when I got it on my shoulders and I could not snap it closed. I pulled it out on Sunday and thought long and hard about trying it on.....and so I did. Although, still a little tight to wear out anywhere it fit way better than the first try. I snapped the whole thing and it was very exciting. I cried! Hubby tried to make me feel better by telling me that it fit this time because my boobs are gone. Anyway, it is about a month away from fitting perfectly. Did I mention it was a Large marked 12/14 inside... NOT A SINGLE X BY IT!
I don’t have much to post about. Holding steady on the weight loss. I think I am at 41 lbs lost. I am a little over 6 weeks banded. I say I "think" because my scale does not always produce the same number as the one at the doctors. I will be going in for my third fill on Wed. and will get an official weight for my 7th week banded. I have decided to use the number I get there for updating my ticker or my "realize my success" page.
That's all I got :)
ttfn
PS- Cara, you will be missed! Enjoy your trip.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Second fill today - 1cc
Hello all,
Going to do a short and sweet post!
Had my second fill today. My first was done 4 weeks after surgery, 4cc's (Realize band) and the second at 5 weeks post-op, 1cc (8 days after first)
I'm on liquids for the next 24hrs so not sure if I feel much increased restriction.
Will report on that soon..
I did however lose 5 pounds of body fat (but gained 2 lbs of lean muscle) in the last 8 days! Over all a 3lb loss, I will take it!
Enjoy the long weekend! Be safe!
Going to do a short and sweet post!
Had my second fill today. My first was done 4 weeks after surgery, 4cc's (Realize band) and the second at 5 weeks post-op, 1cc (8 days after first)
I'm on liquids for the next 24hrs so not sure if I feel much increased restriction.
Will report on that soon..
I did however lose 5 pounds of body fat (but gained 2 lbs of lean muscle) in the last 8 days! Over all a 3lb loss, I will take it!
Enjoy the long weekend! Be safe!
Thursday, September 3, 2009
the one and only body shot
So, not a great shot....but it is my only beginning picture that I have. I tend to hide from the camera (fat or not) I have very few pictures of myself. I have destroyed plenty of them over the years. I will try to have my daughter take a few soon even if I don't share them.
Tomorrow is my second fill. Today I am 5 weeks banded and I have had one 4cc fill a week ago. I experienced my first "stuck" experience yesterday morning. I was running late so I decided to make a toast w/ peanut butter and without much thought I took a bite without chewing well and it hurt for a good 30 minutes. LESSON LEARNED! chew, chew, chew.
Not much of a post I know but this has been a long week for me. I've been covering for someone out on vacation this week at work and this has added a couple hours to my work day.
Hope to post again soon. Have a safe and fun Holiday Weekend!
I guess I should add.... I am 5'11" and currently a 18W
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