I'm seriously losing it my peeps.
Not really sure how to fix it but I have way too much responsibility and I am making mistake after mistake I think due to the stress of it "ALL"
Today was my breaking point. Back in March my youngest son (17) got a ticket and he was allowed traffic school ($29.00 vs. $287.00 ticket) Not to mention that it would not increase our already crazy insane monthly insurance bill. He had until June to complete it. I kept the paper work, put a reminder in my blackberry and in my head had June 24th in the back of my mind. Well, remember I drowned my BB and got a new one... lost all my shit! I still had the paper. I went to sign him up for the online school today and re-read the paper. YUP! June 4th.
My fault as you see I have not let go of my co-dependent behavior. I have to manage everything...or the world will fall apart. So, what happens when I fall apart? Shit gets f*ucked up! Guess who takes the blame? YUP, me.
Wow, not sure if I've ever posted such a crappy post. I need to learn to roll with the punches little better.
I'm married but I have no partner (He is checked out on pain medicine) I am so frustrated that he does not see the stress I am under on a daily basis. I'm so pissed off! It is not just about the ticket but everything... I'm trying to figure my way through this somehow but I don't know where to start. How do I learn to let things go? I wish I could make a to-do list for all my household dwellers and just know it will get done. I can't, I've tried, It doesn't...
Work is crazy, hella stress there too as the other gal will be out and we are training people at another office to do what we do... it doesn't feel good to know you are teaching someone who makes less to possibly replace you.
Said Son mentioned above turns 18 this month so we lose his benefits (from his fathers disability) that is a $1600.00 a month hit. UGGGH!
I've been forgetting to pay bills, send BD cards, buy milk & kitty litter.. It is all on me. Just the littlest of tasks at the moment seem to paralyze me. Just thinking of what to make for dinner is enough to make me cry.
Is this depression?
I opened my mail a couple of days ago and the place where I had my surgery is having a workshop on Monday evening that I am attending.
It is called "Get out of Overwhelm Easily"
Here is what the header reads:
Feel like you are holding back because you have too much on your plate?
Numbing yourself to quiet the chatter from your inner critic?
Feel overwhelmed from the day to day responsibilities you have, let alone the additional work on big goals?
I'd say the timing for this is pretty good, hope I get something out of the workshop. If not, I am thinking I need to hit the therapy couch again.....soon!
Sorry for the vent but Jen "IS" gonna lose it!
on the upside, my kitty knew I needed some love today and he jumped on my lap for a snuggle :) And yes I AM still in my pj's... what of it? lol