Monday, July 27, 2009

Will I be happy in the end?

One of the things we ("we" meaning patients of the facility where I am having my surgery) have to complete is a list of goals, three short term and three long term goals. I thought this would be so easy....but I was so wrong. It is easy to focus on number goals 10lbs a month, 50 in a year... just examples but that wasn't the objective of the drill. I believe it was more to identify how you would feel in the moment of your accomplishment. Accomplishments, my friends, is uncharted territory and quite hard to write as a goal.

It took me a few minutes to wrap my head around what I was being asked to put down in black & white. Perhaps I don’t have it correct, but what I did come away with is that I don’t have a clue how I will feel in the moment…um, because I have never been there before. I hope I will be happy, excited, strong, encouraged. I hope, but what if I am not? What if I fail? What if I miss my go-to friend so much that I am depressed and unimpressed when I reach a goal?

I am a glass-half-full person for the most part but the fat girl in me does cast a shadow every now and again. I am wondering if anyone else had a hard time actually believing that this was going to happen and could see them happy and whole on the other end. I guess I may have never given this whole weight loss attempt a full go out of fear that it would not make me happy in the end. I know that sounds dumb but really skinny does not = happy. I wonder to myself…Will my marriage survive? (He is opposed to the surgery) Will my girls’ night out with my daughter be impacted because food is not the focus? Will I still be the “great cook” at the Holiday’s and such….Just some of the questions rolling around in my head with just three days to go until surgery!

1 comment:

  1. Hi Jen,

    Going into such a thing as getting banded is a big deal. It just is. You might feel like you're about to be deprived but you're really not.. I promise. I have been banded now for two months and there's nothing I cannot eat...although it's true you can't put away what you used to... BUT
    I could not have lost 17 kilos on my own!! I have proved this before. I feel fantastic. It's normal to feel a little out of sorts when you face something as life changing as this and the 'what if's' start coming out, but if you follow your docs advice (and I mean really follow it, don't just pick at the bits you want to) the band will work for you.


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