Monday, January 24, 2011

insane in the membrane

Couldn't think of a title but this post is all over the place so you be the judge.

Friday I will be having an MRI on my brain looking for lesions/signs of MS
I've never had an MRI before, little freaked but it is an "open" type. They said to bring a CD to listen to so I am trying to decide what type of music I would like to bring. Maybe I'll go CD shopping! lol any excuse, right?

I am also scheduled for a fill on Friday, YAY! I think I am only going to request .1 as I am at 9.4 (I think)

I'm up about 3 lbs. since October but I'm okay with that because of the inactivity and lack of routine. (and grilled cheese sandwiches/carb chasing for energy) I have decided that while I have the down time that I do at the moment I am going to focus the energy I do have on finding answers.

Just watched HEAVY on A&E. It still draws me in when there are so many childhood abuse or sexual abuse stories linked to obese adults.(this is where my story started along with some trauma)

I'm meeting up with a friend for coffee tomorrow and am looking forward to that. An actual trip to town that doesn't include white coats! (unless the catch up to me)


Saturday, January 22, 2011

Thank You Lovely Bloggers!

Thank you for all your comments on my last post.
It means the world to me and I am so grateful to have all the positive vibes being sent my way!

I've had more appointments than ever this month with three more to go! I am hoping for answers soon.

I don't think anything is band related so that is one good thing!

The sun came out for a few hours today and I went on a hike around my ranch. It felt great. (paying for it now) I really think I need to move to a different climate. I just can't hack these winters. I sound like I am 80! (I feel like I am 80)

Thank you all again :)

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Back in October...

There was this week back in October when I knew I'd had it.
What is it you ask?
I'm not really sure what all "it" entails.

I had been and still am exhausted, extremely anxious, obviously depressed, not sleeping, in pain, having bladder issues (urgency but very little will void) IBS, hand tremors, headaches and sudden (within a month) eye sight change, numbness in pinky and ring finger up to elbow, loss of words and no concentration, deer in headlights response to most questions. Sounds fun, eh?

I'm seeking answers now... There is the fibromyalgia theory (being sent to a Rheumatologist) there is the Urologist who is doing CT scan and cystoscopy, had my eyes tested and my Rx had changed, Trying to get in with neurology for the tremors, numbness to rule out MS. (Which is my biggest fear at the moment)

So this is where I have been, it has kept me from being a good blogger :(

This isn't even where this post was going. this is:

So back in October I told my husband, looking right in the eye, sitting on the corner of the bed, no distractions.
I said "I've hit my physical and mental wall, I've got nothing left"

I've heard nothing, been asked nothing, been offered nothing...

I'm not really sure how I feel about that.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Wednesday Weekday Dish

I saw a couple blogs had posted what they were eating today so I thought with the new year and all perhaps we can try to bring weekday dish back into the mix.


8am - Coffee

10am - Clif bar 10g

11ish - Coffee

noon - 1/2 cup cottage cheese with 1/2 a peeled, chopped honey crisp apple and about 10 whole walnuts (all mixed together with a little black pepper) 15g

2pm - one slice of a combo thin crust (frozen/store bought) pizza 8g

4pm - decaf coffee

5pm - salmon burger (patty only)
I love using canned salmon. I just open, drain, mash up to crush all the little bones that are soft but I don't like to bite into them, mix with a couple T. of flour, same amount of yellow cornmeal and one egg and some old bay. makes 7 english muffin size burgers. I use a non-stick pan with a spray till crisp (about 3 min a side) I squeeze lemon right before pulling from pan and use some FF sour cream with old bay and hot sauce mixed to dip.... each one is about 16g of protein. not sure on calories. 1.5 is about my limit (tonight was lunch was late)

now I am drinking water. I think I had about half a bottle during the day and 1/2 a G2 grape Gatorade.

near 50g for the day.. I've been closer to 40 for a couple months but I have no hunger, it is a struggle. A welcomed struggle though.

What did you eat today?