Saturday, June 26, 2010

NSV - and a new do

It had been about a year, actually over a year since I had my hair done. I've had a trim here and there but only a little at home coloring during the winter. I finally made an appointment and got some racing stripes for the summer.

The NSV came when sitting in the chair, draped up with the smock with flat wet hair against my face..I could actually look at my reflection without wanting to look away. In the past, UGH! my neck would be hanging over the collar and cheeks always seemed so huge when they would comb your hair straight for the cut. I would always divert my gaze...Not this time! Woot for NSV's!

Friday, June 25, 2010


1. From Draz - This comes from my post yesterday about me bragging that I can still wear the same earrings I wore in high school….got me to wondering…how many piercings do you have? (the ones you can tell us about anyway – *wink wink)

I have three in my left ear and four in my right. I went to Berkeley, CA two times... count them TWICE to get my tits pierced and chickened out both times. Someday, perhaps

2. Also from Draz -I’m asking this one because I’m getting another tattoo soon…and even have plans to get one of a lizard – my little Draz – because this blog and you all have become a major part of my life. Anywhoozle – how many tattoos do you have? If you have none and wanted to get one – what would it be?

I currently only have one. It is on my shoulder and is old school. has my daughters name. I have plans to cover it with a windmill tattoo if I can get it girlie enough. The reasons: I grew up on a ranch with a windmill and I went past it every single day. Also, because of McLeod's Daughters (an Aussie TV show) Here is a pic of my rough idea, need to get it drawn up.

3. If you’ve ever suffered from a weight-loss plateau, what’s your best advice to get past it?
I try to go back to band basics to get moving again. I know for me stress is a factor in holding steady. I'm tempted to do liquids for a week to see what happens

4. Via Draz- This is a repeat. I liked last week’s challenge for BYOC and I saw a lot of people this week follow through on the promise they made last week. You pick one thing for just one day next week that you want to do….and mentally doing it for the one day can totally jump start more successes. And I feel like I can do anything for just one day.

I will pick Monday. I am going away this weekend so Monday will be a good Detox day. I need to increase my water intake, I've sucked at it. I think I will try liquids/soup/broth and a ton of water Monday. I also need to re-order vitamins. Will do that on Monday as well.

5. Repeat *make someone a Superstar* question – what's your favorite blog or comment of the week?

I had to go search out the comment Band-Babe left Draz. Too Funny! I needed the laugh. I have an Rx for Ambien but have never tried it...
Also a comment from a blogger that had gone off the grid (not unlike myself) and it was good to hear that things were okay

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Turtle Shell

Doing a bit of hiding, trying to read and stay caught up on the blogs.
I'm okay...sorta. Still in a bit of overwhelm mode and I don't see any relief in sight.

Good news is the scale is moving again! Amazing what stress, no sleep, lots of caffeine and crying till your dehydrated can do for you. (not quite that bad)

Thanks for all the supportive comments before. It sounded like I was just bitching about kids being kids and hubby's being hubby's...It is a bit more complicated and I will try to post about it sometime soon.

Got to hold and snuggle with my great nephew last night.... Good therapy! He is just over a year and came to visit. He feel asleep in my arms and since my BABY turned 18 over the past weekend it was well needed. Then when he cried I gave him back! :)

Just checking in and trying to get it together.. Uggh!


Saturday, June 5, 2010

Losing my marbles

I'm seriously losing it my peeps.
Not really sure how to fix it but I have way too much responsibility and I am making mistake after mistake I think due to the stress of it "ALL"

Today was my breaking point. Back in March my youngest son (17) got a ticket and he was allowed traffic school ($29.00 vs. $287.00 ticket) Not to mention that it would not increase our already crazy insane monthly insurance bill. He had until June to complete it. I kept the paper work, put a reminder in my blackberry and in my head had June 24th in the back of my mind. Well, remember I drowned my BB and got a new one... lost all my shit! I still had the paper. I went to sign him up for the online school today and re-read the paper. YUP! June 4th.


My fault as you see I have not let go of my co-dependent behavior. I have to manage everything...or the world will fall apart. So, what happens when I fall apart? Shit gets f*ucked up! Guess who takes the blame? YUP, me.

Wow, not sure if I've ever posted such a crappy post. I need to learn to roll with the punches little better.

I'm married but I have no partner (He is checked out on pain medicine) I am so frustrated that he does not see the stress I am under on a daily basis. I'm so pissed off! It is not just about the ticket but everything... I'm trying to figure my way through this somehow but I don't know where to start. How do I learn to let things go? I wish I could make a to-do list for all my household dwellers and just know it will get done. I can't, I've tried, It doesn't...

Work is crazy, hella stress there too as the other gal will be out and we are training people at another office to do what we do... it doesn't feel good to know you are teaching someone who makes less to possibly replace you.

Said Son mentioned above turns 18 this month so we lose his benefits (from his fathers disability) that is a $1600.00 a month hit. UGGGH!

I've been forgetting to pay bills, send BD cards, buy milk & kitty litter.. It is all on me. Just the littlest of tasks at the moment seem to paralyze me. Just thinking of what to make for dinner is enough to make me cry.

Is this depression?

I opened my mail a couple of days ago and the place where I had my surgery is having a workshop on Monday evening that I am attending.
It is called "Get out of Overwhelm Easily"
Here is what the header reads:
Feel like you are holding back because you have too much on your plate?

Numbing yourself to quiet the chatter from your inner critic?

Feel overwhelmed from the day to day responsibilities you have, let alone the additional work on big goals?

I'd say the timing for this is pretty good, hope I get something out of the workshop. If not, I am thinking I need to hit the therapy couch again.....soon!

Sorry for the vent but Jen "IS" gonna lose it!

on the upside, my kitty knew I needed some love today and he jumped on my lap for a snuggle :) And yes I AM still in my pj's... what of it? lol