Friday, December 2, 2011

I'm a Grandma & BYOC!

Hello All!
I'm so in love <3
I got to welcome my first grandchild into the world on Wednesday. I even got to be in there while she delivered (which I wasn't expecting) It was such a neat experience. All went well, she is healthy and loved!


I could hold her all day!

I'm done gushing! maybe :)

It's FRIDAY so that means it's BYOC - Bring Your Own Crazy! Brought to you by the one and only Drazil! We answer a couple of questions in an effort to get to know each other better and to give our blogging brains a break! Copy and paste and answer in your own blogs if you'd like!! ENJOY!!

1.Describe the structure you live in. (apartment, condo, house, mansion, cardboard box?)

I live in a house with my husband. It is pretty empty now that the kids are all out. There are 5 bedrooms and three baths. (Four bedrooms and two bathrooms are empty and we rarely even go in) sigh.. We live on a mountain pass and it is quite remote.

2.Describe the city you live in. (population, main attractions)

My address is Wolf Creek, OR but that is just where my mail. It is small. not many attractions. We have a covered bridge, and an old inn and a couple gas stations. Wolf Creek, OR

3. Why do you live in the town you live in? (job, to get away from a different town, family, schools?)

We found the house on the Internet, drove up from California, loved the location. We didn't know anyone here but had come up to buy some equipment for our Erosion Control business and said "We should move here" within a week our home sold in California.

4. What’s the view like from your backyard?

We have 11 wooded acres and a couple ponds. It stays pretty green and is quiet. There are deer that almost always visible.

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in real life and in blog land.

Real life has been pretty exciting :)

My band is still there, it reminds me every so often. It has taken a bit of a back burner for the moment. But the cool thing is that when I choose to work it again I can. I've been maintaining for months and have more to lose, I'd be happy in a solid 12 which is 5 lbs away. (I'm 5' - 10.5" tall) I've had other things to deal with. I have not given up on my goal but health wise I am so much better.
Blog land has been quiet for me as far as posting and commenting but I do read them!

Hugs~ Grandma "Jimmy" aka Jenn
I picked Jimmy for my grandma name, a play on Jenny & Gram but I am sure I will answer to whatever she calls me!

Saturday, November 12, 2011


August 18th was the last time I posted? What a slacker!
Just thought I would check in and say hello.


Not much to report, weight is steady, band seems to be at a good fill level, It has become such habit/second nature that I forget sometimes. I'm not trying too hard but I am trying to stay aware and in the moment when eating.

We have been working on a cottage house for my son & his girl. Hoping to have it ready for the baby, my granddaughter... little Leena Jean who will arrive in the next couple weeks! I can't wait! There is an ultrasound tomorrow that I am looking forward to.

Well, thought I would do a quick check in and hope to post some baby pictures soon!

xoxo - Jenn

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Don't forget to remember me....

OMG! It has been over a month since I've posted? I am full of excuses. My computer blue screened and then my blackberry decided I didn't need the "E" key which was part of my password to unlock it. I switched to an android and hated it so I am back in business. Well, with a new blackberry anyway.

There is so much going on and yet it feels very stagnant. I am over two years banded and things there seem okay I am still a few pounds from goal but have not been obsessing about it as there has been so much other crap going on.

Not sure where I left this in other posts but after months of doctors, trips to Portland VA and tests we now know that my husband suffered four major strokes since Feb. They had thought it was a clot from his heart but have now ruled that out and these are true vessel failures and have happened on both frontal lobes. His personality has changed, his memory is bad, its all a little overwhelming. I use that word a lot, I know! I AM OVERWHELMED!

Every day seems to bring a new crisis either with my kids or him. I haven't had time to address any of my own needs in a long while. Sometimes I forget I have any then the guilt takes over... it is a vicious cycle for sure.

Sun is shining in Oregon. I can't tell you how nice that is. I have never been a sun worshiper but I have been trying to relax in the hammock early in the day and just meditate. I have a little color other that ghostly white for the first time in my life. I know how bad it is for me but I don't care! It makes me feel better. (ask me again in ten years when I am having more spots removed) lol

I am doing my best to keep up with you all. I am in love with Draz's post today. I hope to blog something soon or in more detail about how unprepared I was for the band and how I basically went nuts for a year ;/ all kidding aside, I pretty much did as a result of not being able to medicate with food.

Take care xoxo ~ Jen from Oregon

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Love this!

20 questions that could change your life

Sometimes the answers are just too scary to face.

Friday, June 24, 2011

Still Here!

Don't give up on me just yet!

Hope everyone has a great weekend.


Saturday, June 4, 2011

BYOC! a day late..

It’s FRIDAY – which means it’s BYOC – Bring Your Own Crazy…around these parts. We answer a couple of questions to get to know each other better and to give our blog brains a break. Copy and paste to your own blog if you so desire…and ENJOY!!

1. If you could pick any name on Earth for yourself – would you change yours and what would it be?

*Well being a Jennifer I think I always wanted a different name. I altered mine during the years. Geni is how most of my family addresses me. I love the name Tatum, Texas and Georgia.

2. If you’re a worker-outer…what time do you partake in such activities? There are SO many theories about when it’s best and not best to work out….like the morning is better since you have an empty stomach or the night is not good because you won’t be able to sleep…etc, etc. – so I’d like to hear your theories.

* N/A lol before my schedule got all changed from going back to work and husbands appointments I had an alarm/reminder on my phone that goes of at 10:00am saying MOVE! GET UP! DO SOMETHING! That is when I would hike. Need to restart a routine soon.

3. If you drive a car – what kind is it and if you could drive any car – what would it be?
Currently I have a Toyota FJ cruiser. Total rednecked out with a lift and custom wheels. I love it. I had a GMC Denali prior and loved it too. If I were to buy again I would get another Denali.

4. Can you be totally honest in answering this next question and tell me what you think of tattoos? More importantly – what do you think of the people who have tattoos – specifically women?

*I think its a personal choice. I like well done tattoos. My daughter has a really nice one on the cap of her shoulder (she has to hide it under her uniform) I'm not a fan of sleeves or neck tattoos on women. I want another one but I really want it to mean something to me but things keep changing so I figure it is best to wait.

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in blog land and in real life.

*Blog land has been a nightmare for me in connecting and commenting. I have tried a few different things and now it seems to have resolved a bit. I'm reading from my phone as I have been in various VA waiting rooms lately but not commenting.

*Real life, what can I say without spinning into Debbie Downer mode. I had my 42nd birthday on Thursday. I spent it at a VA hospital. I have returned to work but am hit and miss due to existing appointments until July where I will be F/T. Feel out of control at the moment trying to settle into a daily routine again. My husband can't drive anymore as he is having seizures so I have been doing a lot of driving lately. Still plotting some sort of mini-escape soon. If not for real at least in my imagination!

Monday, May 16, 2011


Hope you all are still out there?

I've gone missing for a bit but am back now. I've routinely gone in waves with blogging, facebook and connections with people. No worries, just in unplugged mode.

I have zero restriction from my last unfill which was over a month ago. I go back in a couple weeks and am asking for a "big Girl" fill which I know won't be a problem with where I go. I NEED IT! I haven't gained but I have to watch myself. I know I could take in a lot more than I am.

Temptation is everywhere!

Just wanted to check in and I hope everyone has a great week.


Friday, April 29, 2011

Allergies, Unfills & Stress

My allergies kicked in full gear a month ago and I had been getting stuck daily. I had my first experience with fluro and the funny (yet, not so funny thing)is that I had No visible restriction. This was at a fill level of 9.55! What the fluro doesn't show is inflammation and the guess is I had some. I had .2 removed and have had less issues but still have to be careful. I have been on allergy medication for about a month and am going to wait until the end of May to get a Big Girl fill again as I have some travel plans in the works. Good news is weight is holding steady at least I am not gaining.

I think my kids are trying to put me over the edge. All three are experiencing trouble with wisdom teeth. Really? Wonder if there is a group extraction discount available?

My husband and I received some relieving news about his kidneys. He is in Stage three (of 5) which is bad but the doctor said it would not progress "fast" as long as his blood pressure and blood sugars stayed under control. It still doesn't explain his stroke like symptoms but they are not relating them to kidneys, stroke or his thyroid which have all recently been tested and experts have been seen. The hunt continues for answers but we keep ruling out the really bad stuff I guess its good. Frustrating but the answers are out there somewhere.

I am returning to work for the construction company for a temporary gig at the end of May so that might work out well to help pay for the kids dentist :/ lol Looking forward to a routine even if it is just for a couple weeks.

I feel I am slipping a little into very co-dependent ways. I am aware of it but I struggle for the balance of taking care of me vs. all the others. The guilt seems overwhelming sometimes. As a Mom & Wife I feel like they all are sucking me dry and I feel guilty craving time to re-charge and relax when there are so many things going on. But I have vowed to take off for a few days in mid May and do just that. Time will tell if I actually get off the mountain (or can afford to drive anywhere) Fuel was $4.08 yesterday DAMN!

Hope everyone has a great weekend!


Just a couple pics from Easter out at our pond.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

and the winner is......

"Theresa aka Tessie Rose" if you would email me your mailing address to I will get it out to you soon!

***(for the record, I assigned your comments to numbers, then had the hubs pick a number...very official stuff)***

Thanks to everyone who commented!

I hope everyone has a nice Easter. We are planning an easy day with the kids and if the weather holds have plans to take some family pictures. That is something we don't have a lot of. Jeremy, our oldest is not here, he lives in Arizona :(

I've got a few updates that I need to blog about soon. Just life keeps throwing roadblocks into my computer time.



Friday, April 22, 2011

just a reminder

The giveaway ends at midnight.... (please see prior post)
Your odds are pretty good right now :)

Things are crazy. I Hope to get a post soon but just wanted to bump the giveaway!

Happy Good Friday.


Monday, April 18, 2011

My First Giveaway! Cultivating Radiance - Tamara Gerlach (Author)

I'm offering a brand spanking new copy of the above-pictured book in a giveaway that will end on Friday at midnight. I will announce the winner Saturday morning.

If you are interested please leave a comment with your email address. If you would like to double your odds subscribe to the newsletter HERE and let me know that you did so in your comment.

My thoughts about this book and the tools that it offers is that so many of us on this banded journey have completely neglected self-care for the most part until we made the choice to change our lives and started taking control of our food addictions and overall health. Why not learn some new tools beyond that? Find ways to self-care, forgive, try new things and find passion in our lives. (Passion - My 2011 word of the year)

About the Book

“As my outside ages, my intention
is to become stunningly beautiful on the inside.”

Cultivating Radiance is about fully honoring yourself and all that you have to offer. Our Radiance begins on the inside and is reflected on our outside. In order to keep up with our dynamic lives and to sustain a high level of energy, we must take care of our whole selves. Cultivating Radiance provides simple tools to align our personal elements of health before we “hit the wall” or exhaustion becomes our standard. You will be given mindful “Discovery Questions”, Activities, Inspiration for Gratitude, and Mantras to broaden your understanding and empower yourself to make choices that will give your life deeper meaning and to live a joyful, harmonious, Radiant life!

Here is one of the blog entries from the authors website that I love the most:

Make 2011 The Year You Light Up Your Relationships

The longest relationship you will ever have is with yourself. Why not spend time consciously cultivating that extraordinary relationship?

Sometimes we spend so much time taking care of everyone else that we forget to grow ourselves. Take a few minutes to look at your connection with you!

Self Talk- Do I use kind words without self-criticism or beating myself up?
Acceptance- Do I appreciate and accept myself as I am without judgment?
Motivation- Am I committed to never giving up on myself and taking responsibility for my own happiness and success?
Fun- Do I enjoy who I am and who I am becoming?
Spiritual Connection- Do I have faith that I have all of the support I need when life gets really tough?
Quiet down and Check in
o Physically- Do I know what is going on in my body?
o Mentally- How serene do I feel?
o Heart- Am I living with passion?

When we feel awesome in our own skin with a healthy, radiant relationship with ourselves, we inspire authentic relationships in all aspects of our life.

Take time to light up your relationships…especially the one with yourself!

If you would like to skip all this fun and order your copy now you can do so HERE

Hope you all join in! ~Jen

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

coming out of hiding

My blog has turned into such a dang pity party I don't even want to post anymore.

If I could convey one thing to you all it is that my life has not EVER been like it has been the past few months. I am truly a positive, upbeat, optimistic, strong individual.

a few bullets:

*I'm going to be a Grandma. My youngest son (18) is going to be a father.
Here is what I can do....
Support him, love him, hug him (which I've done more times in the last week that in five years)

* My husbands kidneys are not functioning. Confirmed today. Next week we find out more but looks like further treatment will be in Portland (3.5 hrs away) Hope that is temporary

* I can't stop stuffing my face when I get nervous. I realize it when I am doing it but I don't have a great hold on it.

* the other night I was talking to my BFF and going into all the above and I took my ambien near the start of the call. I got distracted and while chatting and knowing I would hang up soon I took my ambien. AGAIN!
Slept Like A Rock! I split mine and only take half doses, so really it was a full dose and there was no harm except for the pillow wrinkles on my face that lasted half the next day.

So there it is.
I will get through it.

It's Wednesday so here is my sad, sad weekday dish.


yearly mammogram - Have you scheduled yours? Do IT!


three bites of a bacon cheeseburger (no bun)

a few sips of water, not enough for sure (headache, tired, mean)

a half of an orange cream slush from sonic (yes I did)


cheese it chex mix stuff (1/2 cup) I bought a 4lb bag of it when company was here. Sigh

two cookies

Yup... need to get a handle on this and I will.

<3 ~ Jen

Saturday, April 9, 2011

a day in the life of a bandster (18 mo. out)

I can't watch the clips from the Dr. Oz show but have read enough to realize this woman was 1. lying or 2. way too tight!

Yesterday went as such:

5-6 am 2 cups of coffee

7am one bottle of water with my allergy medication

8am luna bar - nutz over chocolate


about 11 the husband wanted some pancakes. I tried a couple bites of one (I hate syrup) so it was dry. Got stuck, dumb girl


Went for my hike

1pm sliced some skinless apple, sharp cheddar cheese, hummus, and about 5 crackers


5pm made ground beef taco's with the super small corn tortillas. I ate two, both with a little cheese, green onion, olives and one slice each of avocado.

Although that was a larger dinner than most days, overall it was a pretty light eating day.

Typical meals
Breakfast/brunch I have one of the following:

Protein bar
canned corned beef hash
an egg w/cheese in a low carb wrap
special k protein cereal

Lunch 1-3PM

I eat tuna often for lunch. An entire can mixed with cottage cheese and avocado
few slices of deli meat wrapped around string cheese
taco bell if out - pintos and cheese, crunchy taco (I can't do the chicken there)

Dinner 5PM

I cook most nights
We have a lot of the same things over and over and over again.

canned salmon patties
baked fish
whole roasted chicken
tortilla soup
pinto beans
Mexican based meals

I try to include a veggie with dinner.

Things I can't eat:
reheated meats
cooked mushrooms
bread for the most part
pasta - although I can eat ravioli
fruits with skin still on
french fries
hot dogs, sausage, links unless I skin them

trigger foods:
carbs.... nuff said! I will be chasing that carb high all day long.

Well... I have some major events I need to blog about soon but right now I get to go pick up my kitty from the vets where he had surgery on Tuesday so I need to run...


Saturday, April 2, 2011


A couple days ago I hit the 100lbs lost mark. (from my highest) I thought I would be more excited but it really made me think how far I had let myself go. I'm proud of my most recent efforts though, especially in light of all that has been happening here at that home front.

Last week I noticed I was pretty tight and had got stuck a few times. My allergies kicked in the first sunny day we had and I ended up getting an unfill of .15 which is the fill I had received on 1/28. I haven't been stuck since the unfill but I haven't had any additional hunger either. I'm not super worried about it because I know if I feel like I need more I won't have to fight for it... Love my NP!

I started on some Zyrtec and also went back on Omeprazole just in case my morning cough was acid reflux related vs. allergies.

I wish I had more to blog about. I didn't turn on my computer for a few days (I did use my phone to look at facebook) but I think I needed to check out for a bit. By the time I had a little news to share and planned on posting we ended up with company which I prepared for. I got a pretty good workout deep cleaning this house. Feels good to Spring clean, have the windows open and smell fresh cut grass.

It's been a long ass winter.

Gene's MRI came back with no evident stroke.(good news)
In the words of his Doctor, his kidneys are "Going South". (not sure if this is better news or worse) All his stroke type symptoms are connected to the the high blood pressure which he is now on 12 medications a day for. Not sure it is working as his last reading was 224/107 but he has several upcoming appointments in the next two weeks so I am hoping they figure something out soon. I can't really think about it because we still don't know everything. Trying to stay positive!

Thank you all for the thoughts and well wishes.


Thursday, March 24, 2011

Is it really Thursday already?

Blogging while under the influence of my sleeping meds so please forgive any typos or wayward thoughts.

I can't believe it is Thursday already. The last week is such a blur. Husband update: Four 120mi R/T drives to the VA Hospital and still nothing firm although I will give them kudos for diving in to find out what is going on. Stroke is still the suspected thing and he had an MRI today so hope to know more on Monday. His kidney function is crazy bad but not sure why but lots of tests have been ran so here we wait. In the meantime he has been good about going each day but still dealing with dizziness and nausea and a numb tongue.

Thank you so much for the well wishes, support and prayers. I apologize for being absent. I don't know how far back I will get today in reading/commenting. Tomorrow (fingers crossed) will be a day to catch up, get some chores done, buy some food for the house. My poor skinny 6'3" 18 y/o is living on cereal. When the milk ran low today he ate a box of mac & cheese out of desperation.

Positive notes:
*I have not allowed myself to go into "take over" mode on his health care.
*I am assisting but making sure he is doing it for the most part. (This is huge! I am fighting the urge to take it all on but so far I haven't)
*I am firmly planted in onederland!
*I'm still working on my goal & getting the water in.
*I am allowing myself time to hike, talk to my friends or family to vent when needed.
*I need to shop for some size 12's as my 14's are sagging off my butt and I have to wash them in hot water before I leave the house.
*I bought two medium shirts. They were old navy medium, but still.... I have medium shirts hanging in my closet! I had got a couple large shirts the week before and realized they were big!
* and lastly, I have a plastics consult next Tuesday. Although, I will have to fight my insurance but I am willing to try.

That's about all I got for now... Zzzzzzz!

Oh wait! I keep meaning to post this little nugget I came up with for any cheesecake lovers out there.
Take a light laughing cow wedge - I think they are 35 calories/ 2g Protein. Unwrap and sprinkle a tiny shake of splenda and Cinnamon on top. Throw in the freezer for 20 min or so... The cinnamon lends the flavor of a graham cracker crust and is good for you. I liked it anyway!

Goodnight :)

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Happy Vernal Equinox! 'bout time! and update...

YAY! Spring is here, well according to the calendar anyway. I am so looking forward to longer, brighter days. This grey weather has to go! (unfortunately, we have a good week of it still ahead. Sigh)

I got the husband to go to the ER on Friday night. He had gone nearly a month with his symptoms (nausea, dizzy, loss of taste) well, Friday about 1/3 of his tongue went numb. I think it freaked him out enough to go.
They believe he has had a stroke. An MRI is needed this coming week to confirm and r/o anything else like a clot or tumor. He was released as there was not a lot they could do at that point.
When the Doctor told him he didn't believe that his taste or tongue numbness would revert I think it hit him pretty hard. (side note - he can speak and chew okay thankfully)

This part is about me.

SAD: I feel sad that he can't taste. That would suck. It hurts me because that is one thing that I know I am good at (cooking) and he has always appreciated.

ANGRY: I'm pissed. Mad that he didn't go early on although it wouldn't have changed much. Pissed that he has ignored a blood pressure of 200/110 for a few years. Really? What did you think would happen? Resentful that I could be put in a position to end up providing life altering care to someone who doesn't care for themselves.

GUILTY: I feel guilty that I quit on him. That I quit control of his medical care and treatment. It wasn't my job but I had made it so as I avoided my own self-care. I know that I am ultimately not responsible but my heart hurts thinking that I could have done more.

So that is about it. Tomorrow I see the therapist and my Rheumatologist then I will "assist" in getting his medical records to the VA for the MRI. It is going to be a busy Monday!

******Attn to any family/friends that read this. I don't think he is ready to share this news until he gets additional results. He doesn't want his Mom to know for sure. Please respect that this is my outlet and the views/thoughts are what "I" am going through. I don't want to feel like I have to edit this. Thank you :) *******

Friday, March 18, 2011

B.Y.O.C. Friday!

It’s BYOC Friday – Bring Your Own Crazy! Five little questions – some funny, some serious – that you can copy and paste to your blog. We do this in an effort to get to know each other better and to give our blogging brains a break! Enjoy!

1. Regardless of what stage you are in - in your weight loss, get healthy journey – do you still consider yourself “fat”? Was there a point when you stopped feeling that way?

Yes!I think I will always feel that way. I will never be a tiny person. I have always felt big (I am very tall) Even after getting out of the obese bracket, now I find I am in the fat side of normal (I use the word normal with a snicker) So there will always be work ahead but I will undoubtedly always feel fat.

2. Tell us about your first kiss.

ODL, It was in my barn, his name was Lee, he had longer, feathered hair like Matt Dillon in the 80's. I don't remember much about the kiss. Not sure what became of him either, I think he moved away.

3. Describe your parenting style (either current or what you hope to do or what you would do if you ever had kids)?

Ha-Ha Style? TOTAL PUSHOVER! I'm a wimp! I have overcompensated for their lack of a healthy Father. See, for us it went from on top of the world, own business, travel, no worries to pretty much overnight being on a fixed income, moving to another state. I have to say it has turned out okay. I have no regrets because they could have turned out to be spoiled brats.

4. How would your best friend describe you?

My best fried, Laura, would describe me as giving and trustworthy. She would call me shy for sure. I think she would give me kudos for being strong in sucky times.

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in blog land and in real life.

Blog land was pretty quiet for me due to the power issue. I am still playing catch up.

Real life is about the same as my last gripe session. Husband is still refusing to go in to the ER. He has been in bed for weeks and still getting sick daily. He is to get a liver biopsy next Tuesday so I am hoping once there they can address his other issues.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Weekday Dish & updated ticker

Got to update my ticker today for my 20lb goal! I am 6.5 lbs down since 2/23.
I think I will make my 7/31 goal. Fingers crossed!

I have noticed in the last 10 lbs there have been more physical changes to my body. My legs are firmer (hiking is helping I am sure) and clothes are fitting very differently. In a good way.
I am not a shopper. I wear jeans if I go off the mountain. I am normally in PJ's/sweats/hoodies because my house is f'ing cold. I do have a reward item in mind for my 20lbs lost goal. It involves an item of clothing.
More on that when I hit it.

Thought I would do a weekday dish from yesterday, it was a HUGE eating day for me.
Calories: 1518 Protein: 81 (Thought I'd update that ticker before this catches up to me)

AM: Luna bar - nutz over chocolate

Coffee, water
11AM: 3/4C of Roast Beef Hash - I don't care for it but I had tossed everything from the fridge I had to resort to canned goods.

2PM: Jack in the box Churros (3) *sigh*


5PM: about 4oz of roasted pork tenderloin, 1/2 C of mashed potatoes with a spoonful of a fake out gravy (little flour in low sodium chicken broth) and one laughing cow wedge

300 calories on Churros! They were good though, I can't lie.

Today was supposed to be corned beef but when our power went out I threw it in the freezer and just remembered it today so I will be making it tomorrow.

What's your weekday dish?

Hello collar bones! NSV!

Wednesday, March 16, 2011


I have a lot of catching up and commenting to do today!

Sorry for the absence but we have been without power since Sunday afternoon. 55hrs!
Sunday afternoon a thunderclap so loud cracked over my house I thought it was an earthquake. It came out of nowhere, then we had lightning and high winds but it only lasted about 10 minutes. So crazy! It toppled a tree down the road that took out lines and two poles so it took a while to get restored.

Mountain living! It's not for the faint of heart.

Every winter we experience this but it is mostly due to snow. I have in the past enjoyed the quiet. When the kids were living at home we would put a puzzle together or play skip-bo. I always filled out my Christmas cards during the outage because it seemed to happen in late Nov. most often.

This time though, it was rough! My anxiety disorder is at peak wig-out mode. I never realized how much distraction I got from mindless tv or noise in the background, cooking, doing laundry... things that kept me busy during the day.
I'll explain how mine seems to go. I have racing thoughts. They keep me awake, cause panic attacks, can happen at any given moment. I know they are not logical, that the things I worry about are not likely to happen. It just doesn't stop my brain from going there. It is all internal. I don't "actually spaz out" but it is exhausting. The Ativan helps at night with sleep but not every night. During my awake time they can sort of take over. Sometimes even in mid conversation with my husband or son I will get lost for a second and have to ask them to repeat what they just said (which is frustrating to them because they think I just tune them out)

Wow, probably way more than anyone cares to know. But YAY! I have my internet back for now, it is snowing outside :/

The last couple of days eating wise has been strange. I couldn't log into myfitnesspal so I tried to keep it in check. We went to Denny's after the first day for a warm meal but I couldn't eat much. I did some snacking but it ended up being my meal, nothing too bad. Apple & PB, string cheese, stuff like that. I did almost eat a brownie I had hid in my freezer but I resisted but I ate a dark chocolate square instead.

I didn't get my hikes in Monday or yesterday but I will today for sure. I have to, totally craving it and I think my dog is too.

Well, I am off to try to catch up as best as I can.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Back to the basics - via Dinnerland

Dinnerland has posted a back to the basics evaluation of sorts over HERE

I've decided to participate and do some scoring of my own.

Back to basics-- how I'm doing

There are 10 band rules, and if each 1 is a point, then 10/10 would be perfect, 9/10 would be an 'A,' 8/10 would be a 'B,' etc...

Rule # 1: Eat 2-3 small meals a day only; eat only when hungry, and skipping meals is OK.

I average two meals a day with one protein based snack. (lately that has been a shake or bar) I have added this because I wanted to up my daily calories a bit to see if that helped move the scale. It has worked some. I average 1200 a day where I was under 1000 prior.
The one place I will score myself a little lower is only eating when hungry. If I am not feeling that hungry and the clock is pushing past 6pm I eat something even if it is light in nature. I do so to avoid a late night binge. Normally we have dinner by 4:30 - 5 so it is not an issue often.

Score: .75/1

Rule # 2: Eat slowly (wait at least 30 seconds between bites) and chew thoroughly; the goal is masticate food until it is almost liquidated in your mouth.

Hmmm, I chew well but I don't think I wait long enough before bites. It depends on the food I guess. If it is something I am cutting up like a chicken breast I take more time between bites but softer things like fish I can inhale pretty fast.

Score: .5/1

Rule # 3: Stop eating as soon as you feel full

I don't get a real feeling of fullness ever. on the flip side, I don't get a real feeling of hunger. I measure out portions as I am logging calories while trying to bust this last bit off. I am going to score it as a 1 but as my green zone fades (hope not soon) that might change too
Score: 1/1

Rule # 4: Don’t drink while you are eating

I have never broken this rule since being banded. I don't think I did much drinking w/meals prior so it may have been easier for me. I have been told that drinking closer to the start of a meal is okay but to really avoid after for at least 90min.

Score: 1/1

RULE # 5: Don’t eat between meals

I haven't got the munchies/snack attacks in a while but it think that is because I am at a great fill level. If I do reach for something I try to make it count like 2-3 walnut halves or a string cheese. This would be mostly if dinner was being delayed for some reason. I think on this one I am okay.

Score: 1/1

Rule # 6: Eat only fresh food

I'm sort of a food snob and cook fresh most days. I try not to use any overly processed foods. I will use canned beans and red sauces but most meals include a fresh veggie and protein.

Score: 1/1

Rule # 7: Avoid extremely fibrous foods

Asparagus, which I love, was one of the first foods I lost. :( I still use celery but only in soups where I know it will be okay to eat. I also avoid anything with skin/casing No hot dogs, polish sausage or skin on chicken.

Score: 1/1

Rule # 8: Drink enough water during the day; avoid carbonated beverages, which can give you gas pains.

I think I am good on the water. a min. of 64oz most days and if I add in coffee and tea water that goes much higher.
I have not had ONE carbonated beverage since being banded. I do miss sparkling water though. I loved that.

Score: 1/1

Rule # 9: Only drink no-calorie or very low-calorie drinks

Aside from water I consume coffee and decaf tea. With my coffee I allow creamer as part of my logged calories because that is how I enjoy it. It is worth it to me. I am allergic to alcohol so I don't have to worry to much about liquid calories there.

Score: 1/1

Rule # 10: Exercise at least 30 minutes a day

I'm rocking this one! but only since the beginning of Feb. I do at least 45 min of hiking 6 days a week. I have gone 1hr - 1hr+ on quite a few of those days.

Score: 1/1

Total score: 9.25 out of a possible 10.

Hey, not too shabby! But remember this, it only took one year, seven months, one week and six days to get to an A! Had I done this last month or the month before that I would be repeating this class for sure.

That is the one thing I have come to realize is that the band is there... waiting for you to utilize it for the tool that it is. When you F up it is still there and that is comforting. I know this because I basically took 2010 off from working the band. I was lucky in that I lost over all for the year but mentally (and physically) I was not there to do the required work on my end.

I'm working my way back now and my band is holding my hand (as long as I respect it)

What's your score?

Friday, March 11, 2011

B.Y.O.C. - XXX Rated version

Via Draz (and her curious followers)
BYOC – Bring Your Own Crazy - *usually* 5 harmless questions we answer to get to know each other better. (today we’re gonna get to know each other better than our own mothers do I’m afraid) Also used as a break for your blogging brain. Copy and paste if you dare.

For those of you who would love to answer but are afraid of who might be reading your blog don't forget about the safe blog!

I'm going to clarify before answering that I have a very open view on intimacy. For those new followers, I am an erotic blogger of about five + years. In the words of my old boss when talking about erotic blogging he asked "How do you come up with new stuff? I mean, really! There are only so many ways to skin a cat"

This is very true and even more so when your audience/followers are following based on the topic/genre of your blog. Mine happens to focus on "Topping from below" which in S&M terms is when you are submissive until you see an opening and then become the master. Make sense?

Moving on...

1. What is your favorite position for sex?
I'd have to say it depends on where I am. If say at a hotel (which is like an adult playground) I'd answer with being bent over anything that doesn't move..

(ODL, please don't judge me. I'm just being honest)

A favorite is hard to nail down (get it?) like I said, it would depend on where I was.

2. How many orgasms have you had in a 24 hour period?
Damn, it's been a while. 5-6 maybe? Yes, it was at a hotel.

3. Do you like to be spanked?
Not really my thing. Shocked are we?
I don't mind teeth in my shoulder as long as no skin gets broke.

4. Do you think it’s ever okay to fake an orgasm – and when/why? (for real – this is a serious ? a follower wants to know)

YES! I think it is okay as long as it is for the right reason. If you're tired or distracted and know you are not going to get there (and you have a partner who makes a point of caring if you do or not)

I'd say No! if you are avoiding talking about an unsatisfying love life with someone you plan to spend your life with.

5.Repeat question #5. Summarize your week in blogland and in real life.

Blogland is awesome. The support over my freak out is appreciated. I hope to explain a bit more in a future post. BUT I THANK YOU ALL!
I had a meet up recently and that is always cool. I am excited to see the Texas & NY gang planning a bandster lunch.

Real life? N/A

Attn: Hawaii Bound Bandster

Your blog is not allowing comments. (could be a setting after you changed layout)

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

If you cry in the middle of the forest.... Can anyone hear you?

The answer is yes. Especially if you are sitting on a stump sending out mass text messages to your children.

(This is not a band related post, fair warning)

My husband is ill, That is not new news. Lately (last couple of weeks) he has been struggling. Sleeping tons, throwing up, severe pain in his right side. He has liver disease so my thoughts turn to that in respect to where he is hurting. He is also a stubborn SOB.

I've asked him everyday for two weeks if he was ready to go to the ER. (the VA is where he seeks treatment but they haven't done crap for him but give him medication after medication) Everyday his answer is "Not today" I am so fucking sick of it. Just get your ass off the bed and go to an ER already. Instead he wakes up all night long, in pain, takes a hand full of whatever is in reach. Oxy, vicodin and checks back out. Then I can't go back to sleep. Not that I am trying to make it all about me but it has an impact on my life.

Today in the forest after my hike I planned an intervention with our children. If he won't go for him and he won't go for me perhaps he will go for them. You'd think, right?

That would be a BIG FAT NO!

When I returned to the house I told him that he needed to go or the kids would be up this afternoon to see to it that he went. I thought he was going to throw something at me. Good thing his side is hurting him or he probably would have. He said He is not going, that it is his body.


Aren't all bets off when you have a wife and children. Or is that just for Mothers? I mean, don't you want to live to see your grandkids or your child get married? (or perhaps reverse that order)

You know, if that man dies before June of this year I get squat! Nada! Nothing from the VA. With my luck he will hold out till May 31. That sounds cold. I don't mean it to but 26 years earns me the right to think about what I have vested in this. And that includes his pension and my medical coverage.

Holy Bat Shit! She's a going off!
Sorry for the rant but it really takes a lot to piss me off and I am so ticked I had to take an Ativan and I gave up my afternoon coffee for Lent so I am cranky....

So I am debating having the kiddo's even waste the time, fuel and energy on this. They've witnessed it for years. I guess it is my last ditch effort. I can't stand the thought of him telling them no. (which reads to me... you are not important enough for me to fight for)

I understand he is not himself, that depression, pain, painkillers have taken over his life. But where is the fight? He has all day, everyday (retired) to focus on his health. Lord knows I have taken over every other responsibility in our marriage, plus my own battles with health and happiness.

So... there it is. My day so far.


to be continued......

Tuesday, March 8, 2011


I sure haven't had much to blog about so I have been trying to keep up with reading.

I had a good time meeting up with the Oregon/WA group last Saturday. That is wayyyyyyy outside my comfort zone as I am super shy but it was fun.

The drive (only 2hrs.) was fine other than my stupid overactive bladder/IC. Nothing like two stops each way. Geesh! I knew to allow extra time but it really is an inconvenience. The Vesicare is not doing much to help with it. I have been tracking my "visits" on a white board and then logging it on my Fitness Pal just to watch for trends and have a record. Nothing like an average of 16 times a day! I am sure the 60-80 oz of water and coffee doesn't help.

This week so far has been busy, to clarify, busy for me. Probably not for the normal person. I had a second visit with the head doc and am feeling very hopeful that some of my anxiety disorder can be addressed without drugging me into numbness. He reminds me of my 5th grade teacher that is sort of weird. So far it has just been the normal getting to know you sessions without any plans of action. I was given an assignment the previous visit to take a blank piece of paper and write/draw/doodle what ever pops in my head. I didn't know how much a simple request like that could put me into a panic. What if I write this and he thinks I am nuts? What if I don't do it at all and he thinks I not committed? This went on for days! Finally, in true college days fashion, I busted it out at midnight the day of the appointment. I don't know what he got from it. I'll have to ask him next time.

I have managed to keep up with my hour hikes the last three days. Sunday being the hardest. I laid around all day worn out from the driving/anxiety from the day before. I have a reminder set in my blackberry that goes off at the same time every day. It says GET UP, MOVE, DO SOMETHING! I reset it 6 times but I made it out of the house and did it. Felt pretty good to dismiss that reminder when it popped up again. Score!

The picture is when I made it to the top of the hill where I promptly Collapsed! It was the most I had ever pushed myself....

Until today! Today I went for more and then I collapsed :)

Today was the yearly visit to the dermatologist where I got a lovely spot treated. That shit hurts! I also took my dog to the vet for an ear infection. I swear this Doctor stuff is a serious full time job. I am glad I am able to do it while I have time but I am still job hunting although I am really not sure I am in a place where I could pull off the F/T grind again. I would have to try...but I have doubts I am well enough, YET!

Trouble riding shotgun....

BORING, I know but I am trying to stay in the habit posting something... anything!

~ Jen

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Head Doctor & Power outages

Monday was my day for a little head doctoring!

Head Doc #1 - I think I commented somewhere recently that I had received THE WORST HAIRCUT EVER IN MY ENTIRE LIFE! The friend I mentioned (who is due in a couple days) is my hairdresser but she has not been working so I went somewhere else, big mistake! Long story short, She fixed it for me. I still have some work to do with it but I'm not crying about it anymore.

Head Doc #2 - I went to my first session with my new therapist. I'm gonna delve deep people. Being labeled as having PTSD and Anxiety Disorder is not really okay with me. So here we go again. I am encouraged to learn some tools beyond "Blame your parents" which seems like I have received all my other attempts.

Head Doc #3 - Well, not really a Doc but I made it to a support group! (banding group) I don't think I have physically or mentally been able to get to one since August, 2010. I need to make that more of a priority. It always offers something.

Yesterday, around 2am our power went out due to wind. I had a big day ahead and needed my coffee. As I posted on Facebook "Need is the mother of invention".
I ground my beans up using the AC plug in my SUV and boiled my water on my BBQ burner. (I french press my coffee - reads coffee Snob)

So In Your Face Mother Nature!

I got my coffee anyhow.

With the two busy days I didn't get my hikes in but I was careful with calories. Today, with nowhere to be I was so ready to get out there and climb! 1hr 20min today!

Go Me!

:) Jen

Monday, February 28, 2011

2011 Goal - weigh in day! (and a random gift question)

Back on Feb. 10th I posted my first ever public goal here of losing 20lbs (taking me to ultimate goal) by July 31, 2011.

I didn't weigh in that day but I started tracking on 2/13.
On Wed. 2/23 I FINALLY could claim 90 down!
Today I am 92 down and have 17lbs - 10oz to go to reach my 20lb goal.
I am keeping track on my sidebar and will weigh in monthly.

I have to give another shout out to! It is awesome for tracking calories consumed and burned! It really opened my eyes to "snacking" calories. Even though these are really mini-meals for me. I've revamped my personal plan and am focused on three meals (even if one is a shake) and limiting snacking unless I LOG EVERY BITE!

I know the hiking is helping things move seeing that I had only lost 5 lbs since last August and I had been idle exercise wise from October to February.

I came across some fresh bear poo a couple days ago so I am now packing heat on my hikes. (belt & extra clips is like a additional 5 lb weight) It is probably a false sense of security because a mountain lion attack is more of a threat and you don't see them coming. I just make a lot of noise and talk to my dog along the way.

And now for the gift question. I'm stumped! I have a friend who is having a baby in a couple days. However, this child is going to another family, openly. I'd like to find something I can gift to my friend that she might could use/need after coming home. She is very strong about this decision (she has children, three teenagers, living with her that are understanding of the situation)
Any ideas?


Saturday, February 26, 2011

Surviving the storm

Our big Storm of 2011 was kind of a let down. We didn't lose power or get snowed in for days. Heck, I didn't even have to climb on the roof to scoop out the dish. It is always good to be prepared I guess though. Today it has all turned to ice and was freezing on my daily hike (17*) had I waited a couple hours it warmed up to about 41*!

I've starting using My fitness pal online and I like it very much. I also am using the notes section to record my medication, sleep, pain level and cognitive state for the day. I think this will be handy because you can print it out in a report just in case I need to go back and look for trends or if a medication is helping or not. Hope I can keep it up.

Made a yummy shake a few times... Yes, I said yummy!
I use one Atkins Advantage Vanilla shake, 1/2 a scoop of EAS vanilla protein powder, about 5-6 ice cubes and 2 T of sugar free orange Torani syrup. I think I read this or a version of it on the world according to eggface site
225 calories and 27g protein and it tastes good!

I made homemade lasagna today and I am considering another hour hike so I can have 1/2 piece of Texas toast garlic bread..... Na, I'll just skip it!

Or will I?

Wednesday, February 23, 2011


So I thought I would post this real fast before I am cut off from the world. I need to go prep for what they are saying will be quite the storm. We are expecting at least a foot of snow.

Wow! It took me since August 4th to lose 5 lbs. really? Oh Well! no one to blame but myself.

Today I was going to try the 5 day pouch test but I may delay a couple days. I might need something besides liquid calories if I am dragging generators through snow and splitting firewood.

I hope I have this right... I am too rushed to go look through all my notes but I think this 70 lbs. lost post band. The rest was from highest weight to pre-op diet. (mine was 2 weeks)

I thought I would claim and post before the cookies show up :)

If you don't see me around or commenting it is because my internet is dish (wildblue) and is on the roof. When the snow hits we lose it. I will be reading from my phone though!

This leaves 19.5 to go till ultimate goal!

Monday, February 21, 2011

Stupid Girl!


What was I thinking?

I should know by now that I can't have them in the house.


I had my appointment with the Rheumatologist today and have the "official" Fibromyalgia diagnosis. I did have lower back/hip swelling (which is not due to the fibro) so I had an x-ray... waiting on that.

We are going to start with trying to address my sleep issues then in three weeks I go back to see where I want to start as far as any medications.

It is crazy to me to know how much mental issues/stress can end up presenting themselves physically. But it is nice to know that I have a ground zero and someone (Dr.) who gets the complexity of fibro and who spent nearly 2.5 hours explaining how all my symptoms are connected to each other and connected to the past traumas/PTSD.

Got another big hike in yesterday (not today, today all I got in was cookies) The sun was out but it was cold.

I stood with my face towards the sun for a good five minutes! I felt like a sunflower chasing it. I really need it to be Spring.

Like. Right. Now!

and for fun:

(A) Age: 41
(B) Bed Size: California King
(C) Chore You Hate: mopping
(D) Dogs? Always! I have a heeler
(E) Essential Start Your Day Item: Coffee and Facebook
(F) Favorite Color: Green
(G) Gold or Silver? Gold
(H) Height: 5'11"
(I) Instruments You Play: Does the song flute count?
(J) Job Title: Estimator
(K) Kids: 3
(L) Live: Southern Oregon
(M) Mom's Name: Billye Jean
(N) Nicknames: Jenn
(O) Overnight Hospital Stays? A few too many
(P) Pet Peeve: leaving drawers or cabinet doors cracked open
(Q) Quote from a Movie: Ellen: I don't know what to say, except it's Christmas and we're all in misery. - Christmas Vacation
(R) Right or Left Handed? Right
(S) Siblings: Four sisters and one brother who passed
(T) Time You Wake Up? pretty much every couple hours. I'm out of bed by 6am
(U) Underwear: V.S. mixed bag of styles
(V) Vegetable You Dislike: turnips
(W) What Makes You Run Late: Other peoples inconsideration
(X) X-Rays You've Had Done: head to toe. I owned mules for years. I do not advise
(Y) Yummy Food You Make: Shrimp creole
(Z) Zoo: Caged critters sorta creep me out.

Sunday, February 20, 2011


Not much new here but I am trying to stay dedicated to posting, commenting and to myself.

It's been a pretty quiet weekend so far. I dug out all my tax stuff yesterday and started sorting. UGH! That is always stressful but I made a good dent.

Hubby went with me for my hike (which is something I am starting to crave, weird!) We went for an hour at a slower pace due to his pain. It was good as he had been down for the last week with some sort of virus and the fresh cold snowy air I am sure did him some good. I managed to make it more of a workout for me as he took his time climbing our driveway (which has a 1000' elevation change from bottom to top) I went ahead the 1/4 mile and circled back to do it again with him. I'm a bit sore today!

I've been doing great on the eating, water and hiking. My scale has moved three ounces down. F*%$! Whatever! I'm doing what I know how to do. It will happen, fingers crossed!

Made some fish last night that was yummy.
I foil lined a baking sheet and then sliced a lemon in real thin rings. Laid the lemon on the foil, placed Tilapia on the lemon. I seasoned to top of the fish with a little low sodium old bay and black pepper. Then I poured about 1/4 to 1/2 cup of boiling water around the fish, covered tightly with foil and baked at 400 for about 12 - 15 min. It was really moist, had a lemon flavor and I think each fillet is under 100 calories and 23g protein (as I recall)

I'm going to return to my Taxes now. =/

Saturday, February 19, 2011

FK @ The Secret diaries of...

Your blog won't allow comments. Wanted to say welcome back!

Friday, February 18, 2011

Feel free to skip ... Just needed a place to post a link

Can we guess who I saw today?
You may recall this post


There is no hope for me!

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Birthday celebrations

Today was my daughter's 22nd birthday (she is my oldest) I meet up with her and we went to dinner and then to Target to do a little shopping. It was a nice afternoon/evening.

a late weekday dish:

protein shake

Lunch: can of tuna mixed with salsa and a few walnuts

more coffee from Dutch Bros.

Dinner: three meatballs with red sauce (golf ball sized) 1/2 a small salad plate of salad.

Split a piece of cheesecake with the birthday girl


The weather and location allowed me to wear my favorite couch coat. It's funky and I love it... I don't care if it is ridiculous. LOL

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Nor Cal - OR - Washington ??? Meet up!

March 5th in Eugene, OR is the day!
I can't wait to meet up with everyone.
If you'd like to join us please contact me at as the meeting place may be sent via email or keep an eye out on Lap Band Gal's blog

It is so nice to have something to look forward to!

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

I guess that answers that!

Trouble (AKA Not Lassie) and I went for it rain and all.

The run off in my waterfall was crazy from last nights rain.

washed out trail. I sent Trouble ahead to make sure it wasn't too deep.

:) Felt good even in the rain!

lovesick teen

Yesterday was pretty uneventful. I'm not a huge fan of Valentine's. I did however drag my lovesick 18 y/o son, Eli to town to get his girlfriend some things. It was cute seeing him stress with all the other last minute shoppers. I left him in town at his brothers house and I came home and cooked for hubs and me. Just like any other night really.

I've kicked up the hiking from 30 to 45 min 4x since my goal to lose 20lbs announcement. I've hit the water hard, watched my sodium, been doing a shake at least once a day (breakfast or lunch) and lean protein dinners. My scale has read the same for one week. THE SAME! no matter where I move it on my bathroom floor I get the same reading. Grrr! I'm not giving up, I just wish it would move a little faster. But hey, it's not going up, right?

The weather sucks today. We have had heavy rain/slush all night so I am not sure about getting out today. I'm not afraid of getting wet as much as I am about getting hurt by slipping/falling. When I say "hike" it really is. The trails get muddy and I am very isolated. There is spotty cell service and my dog, sadly, is no Lassie.

Maybe I am just making excuses. It would be easier to sit in front of the fire, cook a pot of soup and watch the slush fall. And of late, I've been all about easy. I'm mentally exhausted.

Have any of you married/partnered peeps ever gone on a vacation by yourself? A friend of mine just did a road trip alone for a couple weeks and I was so envious. Being alone is a huge challenge for me. As much as I crave (and rarely get) alone time I find I spend it connected somehow (blackberry, facebook) and not embracing it. The last few months all that I can think about is having a week or two to do as I please, go where I like, hit the open road. UNPLUGGED! Even if I could muster the courage to ask for the time-out we don't have the funds available. So here I sit, watching the slush, cooking soup and dreaming of the open road.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Blogger Alert - Show some love

Can we all show some love over here: Banded Kryptonite

It is Valentine's after all! <3

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Re-introduction & Weekend Dish

I thought I would follow in the path of some of our beloved bloggers and do a re-introduction for the newbies. Some of the information to follow may be wrong as I am apparently losing my mind. :)

I'm Jen, I am 41, married/together 26 years. I have a stepson and three adult children which only one is still home but never here. I moved to Oregon from the California Bay Area in 2004. We live in a very isolated area, BFE if you will and although it is beautiful it is hard living. It was however the best choice we ever made for our children.

I never dieted, ever.

Although I have always been a big girl at 5'11" I was a size 12-14 up until my first pregnancy (which happened on my 19th birthday) Then I had two more children 10 months apart (I do not advise this) When all was said and done I chose food as my drug of choice for stress, for celebration, for stuffing the hurt.

I didn't own a scale for many, many years. So it is hard to know what my highest weight was. I was in a 22/24 pant and a 2x top for a good 20 years.

I have spent my adult life taking care of other people (even when it wasn't required or asked for) and not taking care of myself. My husband is older, has health issues and his drug of choice to deal with it was/is painkillers. I don't deny he has pain. He has incredible and sometimes intolerable pain. But there is a checkout factor that I became aware of early on. This left me to pick up the slack/stress when things went south with the kids, to worry about finances, to basically do my part plus some.

One day back in 2009 I decided if I am the only person my kids can rely on I better start taking care of myself. I started by seeing my doc who suggested high blood pressure meds and cholesterol medication and that it might benefit me to lose some weight. Really? I was 40. I was not ready to go on medications so I started therapy to learn how to let go of some of the things that I had no control over (hoping to help the BP) These sessions delved deep into stuff I had never dealt with. A molestation/rape as a young child (11), my dad who treated my older siblings (their step-dad) abusively but he did not me (insert guilt here) and many more things... We all have a story, some are the same but this was really healing.

I opened the paper mid June 09 and there was an add for a seminar to go over the options of lapband or bypass and on a whim I went. I had never thought about it prior. You were required to have someone go with you, your support person, even to this intro meeting. I begged my husband to go and he did.

He thought it was ridiculous.

I however made my decision that day and started planning my pre-ops and because I had to have a support person locally who um supported me I asked my Mom and one of my sisters who made the trek from California (6hrs. a shot)to join me for all the required pre-surgery classes, meetings and such. I am so grateful they were willing to do this.

My surgery was July 31, 2009

Since that date life has actually SUCKED! Nothing to do with the band, that is the only silver lining. I have experienced the most stress, grief and anything else you could put my way since my banding. A death in family, job loss, loss of 22 y/o cat, my horse being killed by a bear, my kids moving out (good, but stressful) and now dealing with the mystery illness which is looking more and more like Fibromyalgia. *Sigh* on top of still not having my circle of friends and family close for support and the feeling of isolation up here on this mountain. Thank you internet, bloggers, Facebook & cell phones! But I need a huge, grown up time-out real soon or I think I am going to go postal.

I get so much from these blogs you have no idea.

It is a lifeline

and I am so thankful to have it. I am trying to get back into the posting habit but myself, like a few others out there are just BLAH... Stuck, stalled, down, bitching. I really hate that (about myself) because it is not my normal self. I am generally optimistic even in light of current situations. But I seriously can't stand myself sometimes so I avoid blogging. I have to remind myself that it is a platform for me, that it is not intended to be written to others but I think we all tend to self-edit and think about the followers when we post, right?

Thanks for following!

Weekend Dish
Sat 2/12

5am - Coffee

7am - protein shake (Atkins Carmel cafe w/ ice, scoop of v. pro. powder and a little left over black coffee)

bottle of water

10 - mojo clif bar (got stuck)

11am 45 min HIKE on the ranch, just me and my dog Trouble.

12 - bottle water

2pm - one serving (3/4 cup) special K protein cereal with 1/2 a banana and one serving of chopped walnuts



6pm - dinner was a pounded flat chicken breast (I had 1/2 a breast) lightly floured and seared. made a fake out gravy w/ cream of mushroom soup. Salad w/ rice wine vinegar


all and all a pretty good day eating, water and exercise!

Saturday, February 12, 2011

insane in the membrane - part 2 & vein surgery update w/many pics

Okay, I think I am actually losing it!
I am feeling like a dumb-ass. Here is the deal. In my last couple posts I stated my first (and last, fingers crossed) goal to get to my ultimate goal weight by losing the last 20 lbs. by my two year bandaversary date of 8/31/11.

Funny thing is, today I was thinking about dates and when I had my veins operated on and how I thought it was strange that that surgery date fell on the day my brother lost his life and how my lapband surgery had fallen on his birthday. Yes, His birthday, July 31! I HAD THE WRONG DATE AS MY BANDAVERSARY! Geesh! Okay, the goal is still to lose the 20 lbs by 7/31. Oh Dear Lord Help ME!

BTW I don't know if I ever updated the varicose vein surgery results?

Gross pictures to follow - fair warning

On March 15th 2010 I had laser treatment done and removal of the veins. I had the WORST bulgy, ugly, painful veins ever.


Having the surgery:

Three days wrapped up and two weeks of support/pressure hose:

Yikes! Hope it gets better than this

Four weeks post op:

And today, almost a year later there is still red scars but the lumps and bumps are gone. Might want to put on your sunglasses for these :)

Friday, February 11, 2011

150! and BYOC!

WOW! 150 followers... that is so cool since all I have been doing is bitching and moaning lately. If I am not following you please send me an email to with a link to your blog.

BYOC Friday….5 little questions you can copy and paste into your blog to get to know each other better and to give your blogging brain a break!

1. What day of the week do you love and what day of the week do you hate?
Currently the days sort of blend together as I am not working, all my kids are grown, husband is retired so every day is like a Sat. But I have to say I love Sunday. I wake up early and the house is quiet. I have a routine of making my coffee and watching CBS Sunday Morning. I cook and bake and sometimes I have my kids all home for a meal. Then I love me some Big Love, Shameless, Kourtney & Kim take New York (don't judge) at night.
Least favorite would be Wednesday. I don't have a good reason but it seem like I always have stuff going on on a Wednesday.

2. What is your middle name and is there a meaning behind it?

My middle name is Page. It was my maternal grandmothers maiden name. I gave it to my daughter as her middle name as well. On a side note, my Son Zackary was given the middle name "Turk" after my brother (Bill Turk) who was killed long before he was born. My youngest son, Elijah has the same middle name as his father "Gene".

3. Since I’m dreaming of my next tattoo, I’m going to ask this one. Do you have any tattoos? How many? If you don’t have one – what would you get if you did have one?

I have one tattoo and I'd like to cover it/morph it into something else. I don't regret it. it is a unicorn with my daughters name on it on my left shoulder. It was done before they had all the pretty inks and is rather old school. I have two planned. One to cover current will be of a windmill like this first picture. The windmill has to do with two things. I grew up on a working ranch in California and saw a windmill every day of my life (the one in the second picture is from there) It also has to do with McLeod's Daughters, a great AU TV show. My band "Claire" is named after one of the Daughters from that show.

My other planned tattoo is of script taken from the lyrics of the song "Be the change" by Gypsy Soul. I will post full lyrics. The BOLD section is the words I would like perhaps on my rib area? Not sure where yet.


(Cilette Swann / Roman Morykit)

We are flesh and bone and
We are parts unknown
We are ashes, we are dust

We are rogues and kings
We are bold extremes
We are jury, we are judge

We are strength and heart
Though we are miles apart
We are one, we are love

We are hopes and dreams
We are noble beings
We are diamonds in the rough

Have we lost sight of all we are
Forgotten history and its scars
Reduced ourselves to doubt and fear
Given up what we hold dear

Freedom is won and fought
Lives are lost, souls are bought
But lasting freedom lives inside
Within our hearts and in our minds

So, BE THE CHANGE you wish to see
Be the peace that sets you free
Be the love you want to feel
Be the cure that helps you heal

Be the dreams that you desire
Be the spark of your own fire
Be the future you inspire
Be the wings that take you higher

So, BE THE CHANGE you wish to see
Be the peace that sets you free
Be the love you want to feel
Be the cure that helps you heal

Be the dreams that you desire
Be the spark of your own fire
Be the future you inspire
Be the wings that take you higher
BE THE CHANGE you wish to see
Be the peace that sets you free
Be the love you want to feel
Be the cure that helps you heal

Be the dreams that you desire
Be the spark of your own fire
Be the future you inspire
Be the wings that take you higher

This is my daughters first tattoo. It is quite pretty. It just fits under her uniform (She is an officer for Homeland Security)

4. On that same theme of dirty little secrets…how many piercings do you have? Any you wish you had?

I have many in both ears but never wear earrings... ever. I went to Berkeley, CA twice and chickened out both times to get my boobies done. SO, I dunno...someday?

5. Repeat question: Summarize your life in blog land and in real life.

Life in Blogland always inspires me. The support I have had from everyone is just awesome even when I feel like I just bitch all the time.

I too am glad to see our lovely Barbara posting. (HUGS)

I have set my first public goal on my blog just yesterday and that is to lose my last 20 lbs by August 31, 2011. This is actually my first real goal in general since being banded. The loss of 20 more pounds from today's weight would bring me to my ultimate goal. I will post my loss/gain monthly on my sidebar. I tend to avoid posting actual weight in pounds. Not because I don't want it known. I myself read peoples weight and start to compare. But there is a big difference between two different people. I am 5'11" and a bit muscular in build so I will never be 150lbs. It's my own deal really....

Summarize real life: It blows! but the sun rises every morning and sets again at night and I get to do it all over again the next day. Decisions need to be made and things need to be dealt with and confronted but I didn't have it in me last week. Maybe this week?