Thursday, December 30, 2010

There really is a band in there!

Hello all my peeps!
Once again I've been a bad, bad blogger... sigh!
I'll skip over all the excuses and promises to do better.

Long story short, I had to have an X-Ray today to rule out a possible band slip and I am happy to say it is where it is supposed to be, YAY!

I have been having some strange cramps in the middle of my chest, thought it might be some reflux but the meds didn't help so this was the next step. Turns out it may be something else (name escapes me at the moment) that may or may not be connected to the Fibromyalgia. Long. Deep. sigh!

Anyway, thought I would bare all and share :)

Happy New Year! I'm keeping my word from this year "PASSION" and I will do so till I get me some!

Looks like a bomb planted in there, no?

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Tomorrow is a new day, Thank Goodness!

Hello peeps,

Thanksgiving in my neck of the woods was um, well... I'm so over it. It just means Christmas is coming and I just can't get into it. I made quite a bit of the kids favorites, a pie for hubby and I bought a tiny frozen cheesecake for my treat, which I sampled a small piece of. The day itself was mostly spent talking to my daughter on the phone because she wasn't able to make it home and was having a rough go of it. My Sons 18 & 19 were home but the spent the day riding our quads, came in and shoveled dinner in and were off to ride some more. It's all good!

Band news: no loss, no gain. I haven't been great on eating enough protein or drinking enough water. I'm off routine with being home 24/7 and haven't been motivated. Today is my one year and four months bandaversary. I would do the surgery again in a heartbeat. What I would like is a do over of all the other crap that life has thrown my way since getting banded. Sigh!

I'm cold, miserable cold. I hate to wear socks to bed but I've not been warm enough to sleep well in about two weeks. (partly because my house only has wood heat and I am too lazy to build a fire at 3am)

Oh, back to the title. Tomorrow I start a new job! I am thankful. I was laid off back in mid October from a company I love. They, just like so many, just don't have the work. My field is in construction so as you can imagine it has been slow. This position just sort of came about, no interview, no sending of resumes. I love that because there has not been a single job to even apply to in my little town in Oregon. I also love that it is a small, casual setting as I am a jeans, tee & hoodie girl. (add also scarf, gloves, uggs, wool socks, smart wool undershirts while cupping a warm Dutch Bros. coffee) I hope to update on how the first day goes tomorrow.

I've been thinking lately about my "word" of 2010 (focus word we chose as opposed to making resolutions) FAIL! My word was "passion" Passion for life, to find passion in something, anything...but honestly PASSION HAS LEFT THE BUILDING! So, I am keeping it for 2011 because I really do want to feel alive again.

Really, I do!

hugging the wood stove

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

it used to be....

It used to be little things throughout the day would trigger blog ideas but I have been at a loss for a while now until yesterday. Let me set the scene for ya!
Hubby and I were having lunch (my breakfast) at Panda Express. Which I might add is not a very flexible establishment as I asked for pot stickers to replace rice/noodle but they said NO! Whatever, I gave most my rice to my husband anyway. Back to my story... So there I was with my plate and before I could start eating I had to request some soy, mix that in a bit, look at it again and decide there is no way I am going to attempt that without some additional sauce of some kind so asked for some sweet & sour, mixed that in a bit and started cutting little pieces and as I was lifting the first bite to my mouth hubby started cracking up. I'm like what's so funny? and he starts laughing harder and harder and then I was getting pissed because he wouldn't quit laughing long enough to share what was so funny. Finally, after what seemed like forever he tells me that he was laughing at the way I have to "prep" my food for consumption nowadays, that I remind him of some creepy insect that has to spit my digestive juices with some paralyzing agent into my prey before I can eat it. It is kinda funny and I needed a laugh as it has been a rough go of it lately.

Warning - Graphic details about my horse to follow:

I think I have come to "deal" with the loss of my horse. I can't remember how much I shared about it and I am too lazy to go back and read but all I can say is it was horrific. We had to shoot her, she was suffering an obvious broken rear leg, but it still haunts me. It didn't end there either. A 1200 lb horse is not like flushing a goldfish. I spent hours trying to donate her meat to the local wildlife parks (there are four nearby) but it was early on a Saturday morning and I ended up having to hire a backhoe to move and bury her. It wasn't until the backhoe flipped her that we realized she had actually been attacked by the bear. okay, enough details I had been asked by a few of you on facebook what all had happened.

Thank you for the support and the checking in lately to see if I am okay. It means a lot to me and I appreciate you all hanging in there and not bailing on me :)

Monday, October 25, 2010

some serious testing going on

Bullet post:

*my horse was attacked and killed saturday by a bear

*found out my unemployment benefit is about a 1/4 of my wages (because I collected last year)

*I'm tight, stressed and I want to eat!

*need to seriously get my head on straight, and soon.

Friday, October 22, 2010

rough few days but the end is good!

I know I have been MIA lately.
This is my time of the year when I get a little down.
I am convinced it is seasonal.

Well, I think I mentioned being sick in a past post and I just want to stress that I wasn't just a little under the weather... I was down for the count! Seriously, like 10 days down.

I had had an appointment already on the books for a new PCP and I went ahead and went even though I would have rather been under the covers. I have had a few symptoms of Lupus. There was enough to justify testing along with testing for Hep C as I live with someone who has it. I wasn't too worried about the Hep C but we thought we would throw that in for fun. What's a couple move vials of blood, eh?

So, I started to feel a little bit back to normal earlier this week and yesterday I got all my test results back..

Wait for it



yes, this 41 y/o has a touch of the kissing disease.
Strange, haven't kissed anybody, sadly!

I'm told I am going to be just fine.

Hope to be back to blogging soon.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

kick me while I am down

Got this lovely comment today to a post I did way back when...

Anonymous said...
how about that realize band national recall, every band has been recalled due to a part around the port. Also new data from the Realize Spokesman Dr. Ponce saying you will lose significantly more weight with the Lap-Band than the Realize or Realize C band

go on and kick me while I'm down why don't you?

Monday, October 11, 2010

Sucky McSuckerson.... UGH!

I Suck!
I failed the 30 day post challenge
Had the flu for nine days
Returned to work today and got laid off at the end of the day, again.
Trying times.... Sigh!

But I will be back!

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Day 5 – A photo of yourself two years ago

I'm feeling a bit under the weather... Day 4 of being home from work. Sigh!
But with sticking to my goal of finishing this 30 day post mission I am posting a couple pictures from two years ago.

These would both be pre-band & 89 lbs ago. I've had my band now for 14 months

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Day 4 - favorite photograph of your best friend

This is my best friend Laura. We have been friends since 4th grade, a very long time.
Oh, the trouble we escaped through the years. I shudder to think that our daughters have done anything like we did. Everyone thought I was the bad influence but that is So. Not. True! :)
She has been there through some hard times. Like when my brother was killed, or when my heart was broke. She was one of the few supporters of my decision to have WLS as well.
Now we live 6 hours apart so it is rare that we get together. Thank goodness for facebook!

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Day 3 - your idea of a perfect first date

Since I have been married like forever and never really dated this is a hard one. I wouldn't have the first clue what I would enjoy about a first date. I'd probably be sick. I'M SHY, REMEMBER?

I will share an embarrassing story that happened recently, promise not to laugh at me, K?

My coffee guy,(I like to call him that but really he is not just my coffee guy) whom I see only a couple times a week at the drive up stand I get my fix at is such a cutie.

I'm old enough to be his mother, Sigh!

anyway, I am a total idiot around him. I stutter, blush, break out in hives.

It. Is. Awful!

I can't help it, Sometimes I can only muster a head shake nodding yes to my usual order. don't get me wrong, I am just another customer, no special treatment but this handsome boy turns me into a MORON!

So here I was, Monday before last, pulling into the street where the coffee stand is and I am giving myself the talk in the rear view. Don't be an idiot, Don't try to talk, Breathe deep. So I pull up to the window and he said these three words:

"Good Morning Jen"

I started laughing. Not just giggles but laughing so hard that tears were rolling down my cheeks and I couldn't catch my breath and then he started laughing because laughter is contagious and all and so yeah, 3 minutes later I got my order out and left with my head in my hands and tail between my legs. I know he thinks I am insane. Oh Well, maybe I am!

Yep! That is probably how a first date would go for me.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Day 2 - A photo of something you ate today

In keeping up with the 30 day MeMe challenge I am posting my day 2 photo of something I ate today. Although the picture doesn't make it look too good... It was pretty tasty. I was watching the cooking channel on Sat. and this was one of the recipes.

"Chipotle Chicken Thighs with Chunky Guacamole"

Sunday, October 3, 2010

The 30 day MeMe - day 1

To Band or Not to Band has posted a 30 day challenge of sorts which I think is perfect for a slacking blogger like myself.

Day 1 - A photo of yourself and a description of how your day was.

My day started about midnight with a knock on the door with my neighbor from a mile away returning my horse! From what we can gather a bear must have scared her and she burst through the fence. (evidence of both) She was unhurt thankfully and is now living in the barn until the fence is 100% mended. My day was cleaning the barn and moving the water buckets & hay. Then we started on the fence.

I took a nap....

Then we were off to town for dinner and some grocery shopping. Fun eh? lol

I miss everyone, I have been such a slacker! I am loving all the pictures from the BOOBS weekend and I am so sad I didn't go. Next one for sure!

Up next: a photo of something you have eaten that day...

The 30 Day Meme

Day 1 – A photo of yourself and a description of how your day was.
Day 2 – A photo of something you ate today.
Day 3 – Your idea of the perfect first date.
Day 4 – Your favourite photograph of your best friend.
Day 5 – A photo of yourself two years ago.
Day 6 – A photo of an animal you’d love to keep as a pet.
Day 7 – Your dream wedding.
Day 8 – A song to match your mood.
Day 9 – A photo of the item you last purchased.
Day 10 – A photo of our favourite place to eat.
Day 11 – What’s in your makeup bag?
Day 12 – A photograph of the town you live in.
Day 13 – Your favourite musician and why?
Day 14 – A TV show you’re currently addicted to.
Day 15 – Something you don’t leave the house without.
Day 16 – Your celebrity crush.
Day 17 – A photo of you and your family.
Day 18 – Something you crave a lot.
Day 19 – Another picture of yourself.
Day 20 – The meaning behind your blog name.
Day 21 – A photo of something that makes you happy.
Day 22 – A letter to someone who has hurt you recently.
Day 23 – 15 facts about you.
Day 24 – A photo of something that means a lot to you.
Day 25 – What’s in your purse?
Day 26 – A photo of somewhere you’ve been to.
Day 27 – A picture of you last year and now and how have you changed since then?
Day 28 – Your favourite movie.
Day 29 – Something you could never get tired of doing.
Day 30 – A photograph of yourself today + three good things that have happened in the past 30 days

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Thousand word Thursday - Topic #3

Amy has come up with a great Thousand Word Thursday topic! Picture your favorite piece of jewelry and post why it's your favorite!

This was so easy for me!
There is one piece that I love, love, love!

It is not fancy, it is on a cord, it is handmade by my blogger friend Melody Watson

Not sure if you can see it in the pictures but it has the letters E.A.C. stamped in it and this stands for Even After Claire. Even after Claire was a blog group that formed after the death of a character and then soon after the television series called McLeod's Daughters stopped airing here in the states. (it is an Australian series) I named my band Claire after this show and strong character. I Love, Love, Love McLeod's Daughters :)
I also have a few additional pieces handmade by Melody here are two more

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Thousand Word Thursday!

This is fun, and a way to let everyone know you are still alive (if you have been a slacker like me)
I'm going with the eyes... It is also the first think I look at on another person....
It is also the only thing on my body w/o stretch marks... do crows feet count?
Happy Thursday!

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Sad Day - RIP Maxwell P. Kitty

This morning we lost our family cat - Max. He was 22 years old.... no shit! He was blind, deaf and toothless but he managed pretty well until a couple weeks ago. He was acting strange and sleeping in a different spot in the house. The spot where he died.

I'm sad for my kids.

I'm doing okay with it because it saved me from having to make the decision myself...which was coming.

So, This has nothing to do with my band.... ugh! I keep starting posts but my sleep/work schedule has been messed up and I never finish. Bad blogger, BAD!

Do know, I am reading all your posts and I guess I missed some drama! I see you all put him in his place, eh?

hope to post soon.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

one year banded!

1 year
85 lbs down
living life again....

I scheduled this to post while I am away camping. Hope it works!
All of you are such a great support.

Thank You!

Thursday, July 29, 2010

I suck at this!

Things are a bit out of control and I am a sucky blogger.
I am reading though!
My apologies for being a flake! I actually have a few things to post about but have been under the gun for the past couple weeks.

I'm alive, I got half of my fill back, I'm losing :), I'm busy as hell!

Today is my Friday. Headed camping with my work crew. I will check in next week...Promise

Are those collar bones?

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Don't take my fill away!!!

Okay, so the title of this post is a little dramatic...but you're here reading, right? :)

Last weekend, over the 4th of July holiday, I had three really bad stuck episodes. One on cottage cheese! Honestly, I've had quite a few semi-stuck/PB episodes since my last fill which was in April (which took me to 9.4cc in my 11cc realize band)
Allergies played a big part in being tight as did a couple overwhelm moments.
I knew when I got to the point where I was looking for slider foods to feel full it was time to go in.
I called first thing Tuesday morning (closed on Monday) and got an appointment for that afternoon. My NP removed 1.4 cc so I am now at 8cc. I was instructed to do 3 days of liquids, then some mushies before returning to solids. I was also given a Rx for Prilosec to keep any further irritation away.

I feel so much better.

I was hungry, I mean really hungry, not head hunger. I needed to fuel my body and I couldn't get down what I needed too. I sure hope I can write this in a way that is clear. I'm so all over the place most of the time.

Nobody likes to give up a fill. I, fortunately, have a surgery center and a great NP who doesn't hold back the fills. In fact my refill is already scheduled.
I think we get into this mindset that more is better. Now that I look back over the last month I was not getting proper protein so in turn I was hungry which led to snacking and sliders. I didn't gain which was nice but I did lose some muscle along with fat since April (I'm okay with that, I was laid up with my leg vein surgeries and hadn't done much working out) but some of it could have been due to lack of protein.
During the month prior to my unfill I was crossing off foods left and right that I couldn't manage anymore. Just yesterday was my first try at regular solids. Let me tell you, it was awesome! Did I mention I had been hungry?
Let me think what I had...
The Hub and I went to breakfast and I had two strips of bacon, four bites of egg and one potato pancake with sour cream.. (okay, not the best of choices.. anywho)
had a little watermelon during the afternoon and a cookie, a pinwheel (has marshmallow) which I thought I hated but turns out I can tolerate them. For dinner we went out again, the house was too hot to cook and I wanted sushi as it was one of the things I had given up...let me tell you, it went down so nicely. I felt full, no searching the kitchen that evening, no reaching for cottage cheese to stop my stomach from growling.
Even though I am able to consume more quantity now (at one sitting) I believe the calories will even out to when I was over-filled and snacking. In addition, the ability to fuel up on a small chicken breast or piece of fish will keep me full longer, meet my protein needs and keep the snacking to a minimum.
I do believe I need to be somewhere between my current 8cc's and where I was at 9.4 to be in my ultimate green zone so I think I will ask my NP to take me half way back and I will see how it goes.

Oh, these bands are a bit spastic sometimes, No?

The end of the month is my one year with my band (Claire) in talking with my NP she brought up that I was a band success. I guess so if you read the data. I am doing my one year labs so I can get the results when I see her again. That will be my marker for a success. Looking to have lowered my LDL and increase my HDL. My blood pressure has been great and in general I feel better than a year ago.

So that brings me to Goals. I only had a couple in my mind pre-banding and I've met them. That was to lose 80 lbs. Check! and wear a 14! Check! I can now wear a regular 14 pant from pretty much anywhere. This was a surprise to me, I figured I was maybe a 16 in misses and a 14W, but I can't wear anything in the plus section anymore.
Oh right I was taking about goals. My ticker has an additional 10 lbs as my ultimate goal and I will leave it for now. I will have to re-evaluate when I get there. I am also going to do more strength training to get a little muscle back . Remember, most of my loss has been w/o regular exercise, I don't suggest this as I feel better when I work out but I don't do well with planned workouts. I am WAY more active and look for opportunity to get in some calorie burning but in the grand scheme of things I give myself an F in this department.

Well, I'm going to get on the chores before it gets any warmer out there.
Hope everyone is having a great weekend.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Just have a sec and wanted to share

Found a new favorite treat!

Oatmeal/Raisin/Walnut Cliff Bar

With Fat Free Cream Cheese

= Yummy

Friday, July 2, 2010


BYOC is 5 little questions – some funny, some serious – that we answer to get to know each other better and it’s a free blog topic for Fridays when our blog brains are fried before the weekend! Feel free to join us! Post the questions and answers in your own blog!

1. Seeing that it’s a patriotic holiday of sorts I thought of this one: Where were you on September 11th?

• Being on the West Coast I was just waking up for work and the scene was of the first plane on the news. (I thought it was a small plane in my mind) I got ready for work and we were out of milk so I went to the little store on the corner... while there, the radio reported another plane and we, strangers in a store, all had a collective moment of WTF? It was a sad, sad day. My kids were little and I didn't know what to say to them.
My cousin was one of the first responders and gave many last rights. I think this experience has changed him greatly and prompted the creation of the NYC Garden of Forgiveness
What I remember most is: Never Forget!

2. What is your idea of fun? If given the chance to skip work/life for an entire day, what would you do? (assume you’d be by yourself)

• Clean my space, clear my mind, watch some McLeod's daughters DVD's, Play MY music, loudly, w/o someone walking by and turning it down, talk to my BFF (Laura) on the phone. I can't remember the last time I was alone. I am only alone to and from work any my cell phone is usually blowing up with "can you get this? where are you? " Grrr!

3. Suggestion from a follower. Some blog questions.

How many blogs do you follow? over 100

Do you read them all or just your faves? I try my very best to do so, I read from my blackberry every free chance I get.

Do you comment a little, a lot, on all? I have to say, I wish I could comment more. It is a pain from my phone. I try!

Have you ever unfollowed someone because of something they said or you didn’t like their blog? No, I've never unfollowed anyone to date.

Do you routinely unfollow and why? see above, however there are a few that I follow that have been inactive for months.

4. Repeat question. Pick one day and one healthy thing you’ll do for just that day next week.
Hmmm, I'm going to try to grab some alone time this weekend I think. Answering #2 made me crave some alone time, not sure how...but I will figure something out. Too hard to pick a specific day but I will grab my chance when it arrives.

5. Repeat "Make someone a superstar" question. Whose blog or blog comment stuck with you this week and why?

without a doubt it was Amy's Glass Closet post Of course I dig her honesty. I just love her and wish her all the happiness in the world!
I mean really? What an awesome group of bloggers too! 80+ comments, all supportive (can I just all rock!) It gives me hope that if I were ever to really lay it all out there I would have incredible support.

Yikes! I need to get ready for work.... Happy 4th of July you all!

Thursday, July 1, 2010

11 months banded!

11 Months banded

83 lbs and change down

I can’t complain! (I could but I won’t, not today anyway)

Saturday, June 26, 2010

NSV - and a new do

It had been about a year, actually over a year since I had my hair done. I've had a trim here and there but only a little at home coloring during the winter. I finally made an appointment and got some racing stripes for the summer.

The NSV came when sitting in the chair, draped up with the smock with flat wet hair against my face..I could actually look at my reflection without wanting to look away. In the past, UGH! my neck would be hanging over the collar and cheeks always seemed so huge when they would comb your hair straight for the cut. I would always divert my gaze...Not this time! Woot for NSV's!

Friday, June 25, 2010


1. From Draz - This comes from my post yesterday about me bragging that I can still wear the same earrings I wore in high school….got me to wondering…how many piercings do you have? (the ones you can tell us about anyway – *wink wink)

I have three in my left ear and four in my right. I went to Berkeley, CA two times... count them TWICE to get my tits pierced and chickened out both times. Someday, perhaps

2. Also from Draz -I’m asking this one because I’m getting another tattoo soon…and even have plans to get one of a lizard – my little Draz – because this blog and you all have become a major part of my life. Anywhoozle – how many tattoos do you have? If you have none and wanted to get one – what would it be?

I currently only have one. It is on my shoulder and is old school. has my daughters name. I have plans to cover it with a windmill tattoo if I can get it girlie enough. The reasons: I grew up on a ranch with a windmill and I went past it every single day. Also, because of McLeod's Daughters (an Aussie TV show) Here is a pic of my rough idea, need to get it drawn up.

3. If you’ve ever suffered from a weight-loss plateau, what’s your best advice to get past it?
I try to go back to band basics to get moving again. I know for me stress is a factor in holding steady. I'm tempted to do liquids for a week to see what happens

4. Via Draz- This is a repeat. I liked last week’s challenge for BYOC and I saw a lot of people this week follow through on the promise they made last week. You pick one thing for just one day next week that you want to do….and mentally doing it for the one day can totally jump start more successes. And I feel like I can do anything for just one day.

I will pick Monday. I am going away this weekend so Monday will be a good Detox day. I need to increase my water intake, I've sucked at it. I think I will try liquids/soup/broth and a ton of water Monday. I also need to re-order vitamins. Will do that on Monday as well.

5. Repeat *make someone a Superstar* question – what's your favorite blog or comment of the week?

I had to go search out the comment Band-Babe left Draz. Too Funny! I needed the laugh. I have an Rx for Ambien but have never tried it...
Also a comment from a blogger that had gone off the grid (not unlike myself) and it was good to hear that things were okay

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Turtle Shell

Doing a bit of hiding, trying to read and stay caught up on the blogs.
I'm okay...sorta. Still in a bit of overwhelm mode and I don't see any relief in sight.

Good news is the scale is moving again! Amazing what stress, no sleep, lots of caffeine and crying till your dehydrated can do for you. (not quite that bad)

Thanks for all the supportive comments before. It sounded like I was just bitching about kids being kids and hubby's being hubby's...It is a bit more complicated and I will try to post about it sometime soon.

Got to hold and snuggle with my great nephew last night.... Good therapy! He is just over a year and came to visit. He feel asleep in my arms and since my BABY turned 18 over the past weekend it was well needed. Then when he cried I gave him back! :)

Just checking in and trying to get it together.. Uggh!


Saturday, June 5, 2010

Losing my marbles

I'm seriously losing it my peeps.
Not really sure how to fix it but I have way too much responsibility and I am making mistake after mistake I think due to the stress of it "ALL"

Today was my breaking point. Back in March my youngest son (17) got a ticket and he was allowed traffic school ($29.00 vs. $287.00 ticket) Not to mention that it would not increase our already crazy insane monthly insurance bill. He had until June to complete it. I kept the paper work, put a reminder in my blackberry and in my head had June 24th in the back of my mind. Well, remember I drowned my BB and got a new one... lost all my shit! I still had the paper. I went to sign him up for the online school today and re-read the paper. YUP! June 4th.


My fault as you see I have not let go of my co-dependent behavior. I have to manage everything...or the world will fall apart. So, what happens when I fall apart? Shit gets f*ucked up! Guess who takes the blame? YUP, me.

Wow, not sure if I've ever posted such a crappy post. I need to learn to roll with the punches little better.

I'm married but I have no partner (He is checked out on pain medicine) I am so frustrated that he does not see the stress I am under on a daily basis. I'm so pissed off! It is not just about the ticket but everything... I'm trying to figure my way through this somehow but I don't know where to start. How do I learn to let things go? I wish I could make a to-do list for all my household dwellers and just know it will get done. I can't, I've tried, It doesn't...

Work is crazy, hella stress there too as the other gal will be out and we are training people at another office to do what we do... it doesn't feel good to know you are teaching someone who makes less to possibly replace you.

Said Son mentioned above turns 18 this month so we lose his benefits (from his fathers disability) that is a $1600.00 a month hit. UGGGH!

I've been forgetting to pay bills, send BD cards, buy milk & kitty litter.. It is all on me. Just the littlest of tasks at the moment seem to paralyze me. Just thinking of what to make for dinner is enough to make me cry.

Is this depression?

I opened my mail a couple of days ago and the place where I had my surgery is having a workshop on Monday evening that I am attending.
It is called "Get out of Overwhelm Easily"
Here is what the header reads:
Feel like you are holding back because you have too much on your plate?

Numbing yourself to quiet the chatter from your inner critic?

Feel overwhelmed from the day to day responsibilities you have, let alone the additional work on big goals?

I'd say the timing for this is pretty good, hope I get something out of the workshop. If not, I am thinking I need to hit the therapy couch again.....soon!

Sorry for the vent but Jen "IS" gonna lose it!

on the upside, my kitty knew I needed some love today and he jumped on my lap for a snuggle :) And yes I AM still in my pj's... what of it? lol

Wednesday, May 26, 2010


I was just eating my typical bandster go-to lunch.
It is one foil pouch of tuna
1/2 a mushed avocado
tad of mayo
1/4 cup of low fat cottage cheese
some almonds
w/ 2 slices of low fat mozzarella cheese (I use like bread)

Good protein & calcium, tastes good....
But it sure looks gross!

Self Reward !

As mentioned on my Vlog, I got me some new tires and wheels for the FJ...Sort of a self reward and early BD present.

I have nothing exciting to blog about. I've been really homesick lately. It's bumming me out because I can't see a trip home in my near future. When I say home, I am talking about a town called Martinez, California. I've been a transplant here in Oregon about 7 years now but I still miss "home" now and again.

Busy, busy the next few weekends. My daughter is graduating from college and we will have some company. The following weekend is my Sons 18th BD, then Father's day weekend. Uggh!

Stop this ride and let me off!

Hope everyone is well!

xoxo Jen

Friday, May 21, 2010

Friday Vlog! edit* to add my Why?

I had these pics ready following in the footsteps of Lap Band Gal, Gilly, Jen & Joey so I am adding to my Vlog post.

So, I thought I would do a Vlog since it has been a while since my first one.
xoxo - Jen

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

A big Thank You!

I'd like to thank you all for the cool comments and emails I received about the picture post. I was a bit nervous to post those for a lot of reasons.
The positive comments helped so much!

My Daughter sent me a couple of the pics and in her email she included one she took of me about 4 years ago. I had never seen it before.

Sometimes that is who I see still.....

No one said this was easy!

Monday, May 10, 2010

A picture post * bit-o-skin * Mother's day gift?

For Mother's Day my daughter set me up in her studio and took some pictures.
Through the evening there were 277 pictures taken and about 7 keepers :)

Honestly, I was really afraid to see them as they popped up one by one on her HUGE flat screen (I do most of my stuff on a mini laptop.... for a good reason!)

Yes, there were plenty that I wanted to crop, delete, hold my hand over and scream Don't Look!!! but there were a few that I said - WTH? That is not as bad as I thought it would be!

It was a cool gift because for the first time since surgery I could see a difference. I mean, I notice stuff here and there...but when I look in the full length I still see the same person as 9 months ago when I was 79 f'ing lbs heavier...yes, that dang pound just won't take a hike so I can claim 80. In fact, every couple days for the past month I add 3, drop 2, add 1 BUT THE MATH NEVER = 80!
Oh well, it will happen, eventually, when I'm an old lady.

So, because I want to be brave like my hero Band-Babe... I am going to share these here... even with a little skin showing.

Friday, April 30, 2010


1. What’s your favorite smell?
As cheesy as this sounds... it is Stetson cologne.... I know, but there is something about that smell that makes me crazy (wink, wink)

2. What is your all-time favorite movie and why?
I have 2 - Smoke signals with Adam Beach based on a short story by Sherman Alexie (a native american writer) These are my people and I have to support them!
second is Lost in translation, I just want to know what he says to her at the end! And I believe you can fall in love and live a lifetime in a few days time if that is all you know you have together.

3. What’s your trigger food?

Sweets for sure, once you get a little in are always chasing the sugar crash NEED MORE! NEED MORE!

4. When someone you love is going through a difficult time – what are your go-to words to make them feel better – in just a sentence or two?
I never know what to say... With my daughter I do a lot of - you could be a lot worse off speeches. I am an optimist so I try to go for the brighter side... But I am sure I have said "That just plain sucks" too

5. This one is always the same. Who is your nominee for the blog of the week for YOU? Which blog OR comment touched your heart, spoke to you, stuck with you all week?
I loved Gen's blog with Judi as her SOB guest. Judi is the second person I started following back in June. She is awesome as is Gen.

All comments touch me and stick with me... yesterdays for sure :) Thanks you all for the support!

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Just when I had you off my head....

Post title is just a line from a John Mayer song that is fitting for me at the moment...
I've had to let go of something recently and is not good times for me.
There are sure times I wish this blog was anonymous. Um, like now for instance.

On the band front, hanging in there, still losing S-L-O-W-L-Y! Creeping up on the 80 pounds lost mark, tomorrow is my 9 mo bandaversary so I can't complain too much about the loss slowing down. Allergies had me extremely tight after my fill last week but I have been taking something and have loosened up a bit but still have good restriction.

Thought I would add a quick Weekday dish since I have nothing exciting to post..

B-cheese stick
coffee - notice a trend here?
L-one foil pouch of tuna mixed with some cottage cheese and half of an avocado (no mayo)
S-hot apple pie from McD - yes, a hot apple pie folks, a whole one... :(
D-about 8 small bites of pot roast chewed to liquid, mash taters maybe 1/3 of a cup, 6 cooked baby carrots and a few mushrooms...oh, did I mention everything had gravy on it?
sometime later- 2 mother's c.c. cookies (the small ones from the bag)

Well, just letting you know I am still kicking and reading... I am back to work F/T - for the moment so I haven't posted many comments. There is always this weekend...except it is supposed to be nice so I think a visit to the Pacific ocean is in my future. I need the serenity... decisions, decisions....

Take care you all!

Friday, April 16, 2010



1. If you ever won the lottery – what’s the very first thing you’d do?
Well, I will let you know on Sat. when I win the 212,000,000 playing Powerball...
I think I would approve plans for the dream house then take off in one of these huge ass Motorhomes across the US and not come back until it is built.

2. What is your favorite curse word? (This one is from Joey)

I say "What the Fuck...Over" all the time. It started when we would be using headphones on the back of the hydroseeding trucks I worked on. You would have to say Over when you were done talking on your radio... so it just stuck.

3. What is your favorite holiday and why?

Thanksgiving! I get to spend it with my side of the family. And come'on... who doesn't love stuffing?

4. What turns you on? (another suggestion from Joey)

OH MY, this question stalled me from posting yesterday.
Do I answer honestly and watch the followers drop off one by! Or do I answer with something lighthearted? What to do, what to do?
People read these questions to get to know you better, right?
okay, lighthearted wins out....I will have to do a whole blog post about my sexual frustrations another day.

Neck kisses, my hubby in a suit & tie, flirting

5. Whose blog spoke to you, stayed with you, meant the most to you, stands out to you this week and why?

Amy W's Vlog (tearful vlog) I choked up because I know the support and love she felt and it is crazy to get that from a media like this (blogging) I had 0 - zero- Nada support from my husband in the beginning of this. These blogs and support group were it for me. The support got me through some real tough times when I felt alone, but I wasn't alone at all!!!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Leg recovery - fill today - and Weekday Dish

Hello peeps! I'm still alive...just returned to work to fill in for someone and have started an insane home project that when done either myself or hubby will be buried in the backyard! All I can say is we have very different ideas.....and mine are better!

Legs are healing and today was my first day without the compression stockings. THANK GOODNESS! I am so over them. I just have the spider veins yet to go in a month or so but that is a quick deal. OMG! The pain (just for the record, I have an extremely high pain tolerance) but this was one of the most painful things I have experienced. Feeling better now though.

This is the second leg during healing...

I'll try to get a couple side by sides up when the swelling goes down a little more...

here is a pic with some new found collar bones...not a great pic, but they are starting to show a bit!

Today I had a small fill .3 taking me to 9.7 in my realize 11cc band. So far, so good but I have only had water and coffee. I'm going to make a protein shake for dinner so my weekday dish is from yesterday.

Coffee, water
calcium chews
B- hubby made homemade hash browns and I had a couple bites and a turkey sausage patty

L- 1 lowfat cheese stick split in 1/4 with 4 slices of deli ham wrapped around
calcium chews
coffee water

D- single serve pouch of tuna w/mayo and relish on a piece of wheat toast (toasted well) I knew then my fill was a go!!! bread is not usually an option for me

water & vitamins

I am going to attempt a second vlog tomorrow if the office is quiet...hope to touch on some of the great posts you all have shared recently.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Monthly Stats - For Gen

Slow & steady... I'll take it.
There is something missing from the totals and that is included on my print-outs and that is there was a few months with quite a bit of lean muscle gain and fat loss that off-set a bigger loss. This makes the overall totals okay with me because that muscle is helping to burn calories!

June, 2009 9.8

July, 2009 18.2 (two week liquid diet )


Aug, 2009 4.3 (Aug. 27th first fill - 4cc's)

Sept,2009 2.9

Oct, 2009 1

Nov, 2009 14.7 (major stuck episode/unfill/liquids/death in family)

Dec, 2009 2.9

Jan. 6, 2010 (Last fill I have had, brought me to 9.4 in 11cc realize band)

Jan, 2010 4

Feb, 2010 5.9

Mar, 2010 6.8

Apr, 2010 (so far) 2.8

Friday, April 2, 2010



1. If you could be a Superhero (like Gilly) - what would you be called or what would your powers be?
I'd be Firestarter! I'd be able to light a big log on my wood stove (our only heat source) With the added bonus of randomly shooting fire at annoying people

2. Name one physical thing you love about you and one mental thing you love about you.

Physical - My is what I look at first on people as well

Mental - That I am a sponge. If I hear something or read it somewhere I retain it....sometime down the road I am able to rattle it off in a way that makes me seem smart :)

3. If you stood in front of God (or whatever Supreme Being you may believe in) - what question would you ask him?

What was up with all the tests & temptations? and How did I score overall?

4. Besides yourself - who was/is your biggest enabler in your weight loss journey?

Enabler in loss as opposed to enabler against loss?... the second is easier to answer unfortunately. All I will say is that there is one very unlikely person who really came through...but shall remain nameless..And Claire (my band)

5. What do you do for a living (another reader request question)?

My education is all in Emergency medical/pre-nursing, although I have never earned a living in the medical field. I have worked in the landscape construction industry for years. Erosion control being my primary field. Currently I work for a small commercial construction company who has two main divisions. We build and re-image gas stations (like if a Shell becomes an Exxon we go and change all the signs and decals) The second part of the job is that we build a chain of coffee houses (drive-up) called Dutch Bros.

6. Whose blog hit home for you this week or whose blog made you think the most this week?
I'd have to say Band-babes post for weekday dish (April Fools edition)
I realized I will never eat like that again but I did, day after day for years.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

8 month bandaversary! & weekday dish

Eight months ago today Claire (my band) became my new BFF!
I am SO happy with my decision to have WLS.
Eight months, 70 + lbs down and 83 followers!

You, my peeps, are the gravy on my mash taters!!!!! xoxo

I'm still trying to wrap my head around the last post and I promise to explain a little more when I have some clearer thoughts about it...I know I need to let go off some stuff even more than I have. It seems with every pound that I lose (recently) I start to analyze more and more of my past, my fears, my relationships....

It is both empowering and terrifying!

So, a quick Weekday dish:
coffee, coffee, water, water

11 AM -
half a peeled apple
single serving cottage cheese
1 inch cube of cheddar cheese
1 wedge of wee brie

2 PM -
Big hunk-o-homemade-brownie, ugggh! It had walnut chunks in


5 PM -
Made beef stew in the crock pot. I had a bowl with approx. 8 pieces of the tender beef, two whole super small baby red potatoes and in total about 1.5 cups of the broth (onions, celery, tomatoes, beef broth)

10:55 PM -
good thing my leg is throbbing and my bedroom is upstairs....cause I'm wanting another brownie! But kids are home so tomorrow the dish will be in the sink (or on the counter, empty!)

My legs are both sans Varicose Veins now...I'm thrilled, well I will be thrilled, give me a month or so. All that is left is the spider vein treatment which will be a breeze in comparison. I have a couple pics of the veins being pulled but thought better of posting them, pretty graphic.

So, I owe this blog a couple posts that are in the works....
1.Father Hunger
2.I just came out on Facebook about my band and also to one person who I really wasn't sure about telling. It was positive and I will share soon!

Thank you for all the support! xoxo

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Father Hunger?

I was watching Ruby last week and the term "Father Hunger" came up. Anyone ever hear this term before?

It made me curious who, besides myself, has had a missing father figure or early death of a father?

I've always known that my father's death and his absence when living was why I gravitated to older men at a young age. I never gave much thought to the connection between body image and the lack of a male role model reaffirming my looks/accepting me during those impressionable early years... How much did this contribute to my weight gain?

I've always felt it (weight gain) was more a direct result of a few key things:
Self-protection after the rape
Not making myself a priority
Having children (3 HUGE babies)
plain laziness

Now that I think back part of why I became a victim was due in part to my seeking that approval/acceptance. I just unfortunately did so from a pedophile.

The learning just never stops in this journey, does it?

Well, I am off this afternoon for leg #2. YAY! I am so happy to be having this done even though the recovery has been a bitch. Leg #1 is still healing but I can already see quite a difference (if I look real hard behind the swelling and bruises)
Today's leg is mostly on my upper thigh so I am not sure if that will be better or worse for the recovery phase.

Sorry for being a slacker on the comments (holds head in shame) It's just I do so much of my reading via my cell phone. I'll be laid up the rest of the week so hope to catch up with everyone!

Thursday, March 25, 2010

weekday Dish

Coffee, water, coffee, water

2pm leftover taco filling warmed up, added a single serving cottage cheese cup and filled a small pita pocket. Got stuck on the pita so I just ate the filling


4:30 had a dannon yogurt and 1/2 a mounds bar

6:30 made homemade tempura shrimp, I had 5 and about 6 baby bella mushrooms, couple of slices of squash all dipped in sauce. We rarely eat this but my kids are away for Spring break so I thought I'd spoil the hubby with one of his favorites!


Sunday, March 21, 2010


As posted on Facebook today!

Can I get a Woot Woot?
70lbs and change lost as of today! With some hard work and my BFF Claire (my lap-band) I now weigh what my drivers license says I do!
Cheers to better health!!!!

Saturday, March 20, 2010

an example of restriction

Just an example of a typical dinner these days.
Tonight I had baked salmon, 2-Tbsp of brown rice and some zucchini & yellow squash (and a slice of lemon for the salmon)
The plate is a toddler plate and I like to use it to remind me of portion size....

Below is my serving:

This is when I had had enough and put my fork down:

My restriction has come back!

Sorry, I have nothing to blog about so I though I would share.
Beautiful here today so I laid in my hammock with my leg propped up on a pillow and just relaxed! It was nice! It was Hot!

Thursday, March 18, 2010

It ain't pretty! (edited to add weekday dish)

Weekday Dish for 3/18
Latte from Dutch Bros (and my coffee guy)
bottle of water
dr. visit, more water
L-around noon- baked three fish fillets - ate two w/ketchup
S-Dannon toasted coconut yogurt and pepper jack cheese stick
water & coffee
1/2 of a kit-kat bar
D-small salad with olives and avocado 1 cup-ish
1 cup of homemade enchilada casserole
other half of kit-kat
and......about 1/2 cup of Lortab j/k (maybe 1/4 cup)
sipping water b/4 bed

Today I got my pressure bandage removed and was scanned with the ultrasound to make sure there were no clots due my newly collapsed vein... all is good so I am now in compression hose for two weeks during the day (can sleep with them off, YAY!) This means I can shower tonight!!!! Well, I've showered, as good as you can with one leg hanging out wrapped in a garbage bag :)

I know this has nothing to do with the band....but I am thinking there may be a few of you that suffer with Varicosities! Probably not as bad as mine but anyway, that is why I am sharing!

Right leg is being done on March least I know what to expect now.

I've been reading your blogs while high on liquid lortab so if I was typing in code or left really gushy messages blame the drugs!

I am going to leave you with even grosser pictures than my pre-op leg photos!

Just to explain a little... a laser fiber is thread up the vein and as it fires it shuts down the vein from inside. That part you can't see except way up my thigh there is a huge red/purple bruise the size of um, a salad plate, a tortilla or TEXAS!

All the marks, or bloody gooey holes if you will are from after the vein was collapsed and then tiny incisions were made and the big lumpy (and now not being filled) veins were removed... I know, I watched them tug them out from all twenty-two sites! It was cool! (Remember, I once was a paramedic)

Lower left of pic you can see the beginning of my HUGE bruise.

Can't wait to share the after photos...if you all will dare look by then! :)
Thanks for the well wishes too! You guys are the best!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Recovery going well!

Hello blogger friends!

My vein surgery on my left leg went well yesterday afternoon. Had somewhat of a rough night of elevating my leg and trying to walk 10-15min every couple of hours (as suggested) Not much sleep and I went too long without taking meds so I had a little pain....not intolerable.

The liquid Lortab gets me queasy so my Doctor gave me some Zofran. It works really well!

Rented a few movies and am gonna take advantage of the down time. That sounds silly coming from a semi-unemployed person but I stay pretty busy for a slacker!

I am adding some pictures of my very ugly varicose veins (before pics) I am wrapped up now for 72hrs then two weeks in compression hose before I will know the results.

for your viewing pleasure (those with weak stomachs may want to skip the pics, Gross!)

All wrapped up for a couple more days.

I bought a dress, in a size large... on clearance for $5.98 Bad pic, but I eyed it for a couple months so when it came on clearance I grabbed it!

Spent the morning before my procedure cleaning my horses stall real well, This is Georgia my 23 y/o Qtr. Horse

Monday, March 15, 2010

Easter candy can suck it!

Temptation blows!

Valentine's Day
Mother's Day

at least there is a slight break before Halloween rolls around again!!!!

But seriously, there is a little protein in those peanut butter eggs, right?

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Note to self.... And a big Thank You!!!

It is never, let me repeat NEVER a good idea to watch youtube videos of procedures you are about to have done!!!!! view here if you dare :)

Also, Thank you all so much for the encouraging words yesterday! I'm better today, queasy feeling gone, new phone set up and hot water to boot! It's going to be a much better day! Oh, and down 1.2 lbs. Onederland, here I come!

Saturday, March 13, 2010


So, I've been having quite the time of it! My power was out for 12hrs and I had to get up to go to work the next day. No shower as the hot water had cooled and then applied makeup via candle light! As I was brushing my teeth I turned and my blackberry slipped out of my pocket and into the sink with the water running on it, TOAST! Grrrr :/
Headed to work with my phone apart holding it on the defroster vent! I pulled into my coffee place (drive up) and my coffee guy asks how my day was going??? My day? Fucked! That's how, see my phone! So he said the Coffee was on him and hoped it would change the tone of my day! It did (for a couple hours) at lunchtime I replaced my phone, lost all my pictures, contacts and had 19 texts that I will never know who they were from did I mention Grrrr!?
It ended badly as well, came home still haven't shopped so I made some spam and eggs! spam, not so good! Band friendly but not as good as I had remembered it from my camping days! Skip ahead a couple hours and I was sick! So close to vomiting and afraid as hell I was going to! I laid down real still... Slept, woke up feeling a little better today.
Okay, done bitching! I was really afraid to vomit. I almost went to the ER to get something to settle my stomach...I might ask on monday when having my vein procedure if there is something I can keep on hand? I live really far out of town and just want to be safe.
Hope everyone is having a good weekend!

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Weekday Dish

Wednesday's Food

A couple cups of coffee
1 pretzel stick that got stuck

11:30 AM - 1/2 cup refried beans mixed with a scrambled egg (that was cooked with a couple tablespoons of cottage cheese) split between two 4-5 inch corn tortillas(warmed in microwave) Sounds gross....and actually it was!
I haven't been to the store in a while.

coffee, water

2PM - I thought Hey Jen, make some homemade cookies....bad idea
3 cookies

6PM - Three super super thin slices of corned beef with two small boiled red spuds and one bite of cabbage.


8PM - 10PM 2 cookies!

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Pictures of Spring (Photo credit: Tamara Gerlach)

These are some photos taken from the ranch where I grew up in California. I had asked my cousin who lives there now to email me a few when she hiked the hill today.

My big request was for the windmill. See, I am working up to a new tattoo. I have only one, that I want to cover with the new one. I am looking to get one with a windmill but I want to make sure it is "girlie" first.
Why a windmill you ask?
Two reasons...because it was something I saw each and every day on the ranch I grew up at...and my love for an Austrailan television series called McLeod's Daughters. (now available on DVD in the US) For anyone who has seen McLeod's daughters the windmill/bathtub is a fixture on the show.
Since I am talking about McLeod's Daughters and Mothers Day is nearing let me suggest this as a gift idea to mom's, sisters or to yourself. There are 8 seasons and each season has 6-8 dvd's (avg. 28-32 episodes a season) Netfix has it I think too so check it out!
I am not paid to promote it I swear!
Happy can't get here fast enough for me!