Wednesday, March 31, 2010

8 month bandaversary! & weekday dish

Eight months ago today Claire (my band) became my new BFF!
I am SO happy with my decision to have WLS.
Eight months, 70 + lbs down and 83 followers!

You, my peeps, are the gravy on my mash taters!!!!! xoxo

I'm still trying to wrap my head around the last post and I promise to explain a little more when I have some clearer thoughts about it...I know I need to let go off some stuff even more than I have. It seems with every pound that I lose (recently) I start to analyze more and more of my past, my fears, my relationships....

It is both empowering and terrifying!

So, a quick Weekday dish:
coffee, coffee, water, water

11 AM -
half a peeled apple
single serving cottage cheese
1 inch cube of cheddar cheese
1 wedge of wee brie

2 PM -
Big hunk-o-homemade-brownie, ugggh! It had walnut chunks in


5 PM -
Made beef stew in the crock pot. I had a bowl with approx. 8 pieces of the tender beef, two whole super small baby red potatoes and in total about 1.5 cups of the broth (onions, celery, tomatoes, beef broth)

10:55 PM -
good thing my leg is throbbing and my bedroom is upstairs....cause I'm wanting another brownie! But kids are home so tomorrow the dish will be in the sink (or on the counter, empty!)

My legs are both sans Varicose Veins now...I'm thrilled, well I will be thrilled, give me a month or so. All that is left is the spider vein treatment which will be a breeze in comparison. I have a couple pics of the veins being pulled but thought better of posting them, pretty graphic.

So, I owe this blog a couple posts that are in the works....
1.Father Hunger
2.I just came out on Facebook about my band and also to one person who I really wasn't sure about telling. It was positive and I will share soon!

Thank you for all the support! xoxo

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Father Hunger?

I was watching Ruby last week and the term "Father Hunger" came up. Anyone ever hear this term before?

It made me curious who, besides myself, has had a missing father figure or early death of a father?

I've always known that my father's death and his absence when living was why I gravitated to older men at a young age. I never gave much thought to the connection between body image and the lack of a male role model reaffirming my looks/accepting me during those impressionable early years... How much did this contribute to my weight gain?

I've always felt it (weight gain) was more a direct result of a few key things:
Self-protection after the rape
Not making myself a priority
Having children (3 HUGE babies)
plain laziness

Now that I think back part of why I became a victim was due in part to my seeking that approval/acceptance. I just unfortunately did so from a pedophile.

The learning just never stops in this journey, does it?

Well, I am off this afternoon for leg #2. YAY! I am so happy to be having this done even though the recovery has been a bitch. Leg #1 is still healing but I can already see quite a difference (if I look real hard behind the swelling and bruises)
Today's leg is mostly on my upper thigh so I am not sure if that will be better or worse for the recovery phase.

Sorry for being a slacker on the comments (holds head in shame) It's just I do so much of my reading via my cell phone. I'll be laid up the rest of the week so hope to catch up with everyone!

Thursday, March 25, 2010

weekday Dish

Coffee, water, coffee, water

2pm leftover taco filling warmed up, added a single serving cottage cheese cup and filled a small pita pocket. Got stuck on the pita so I just ate the filling


4:30 had a dannon yogurt and 1/2 a mounds bar

6:30 made homemade tempura shrimp, I had 5 and about 6 baby bella mushrooms, couple of slices of squash all dipped in sauce. We rarely eat this but my kids are away for Spring break so I thought I'd spoil the hubby with one of his favorites!


Sunday, March 21, 2010


As posted on Facebook today!

Can I get a Woot Woot?
70lbs and change lost as of today! With some hard work and my BFF Claire (my lap-band) I now weigh what my drivers license says I do!
Cheers to better health!!!!

Saturday, March 20, 2010

an example of restriction

Just an example of a typical dinner these days.
Tonight I had baked salmon, 2-Tbsp of brown rice and some zucchini & yellow squash (and a slice of lemon for the salmon)
The plate is a toddler plate and I like to use it to remind me of portion size....

Below is my serving:

This is when I had had enough and put my fork down:

My restriction has come back!

Sorry, I have nothing to blog about so I though I would share.
Beautiful here today so I laid in my hammock with my leg propped up on a pillow and just relaxed! It was nice! It was Hot!

Thursday, March 18, 2010

It ain't pretty! (edited to add weekday dish)

Weekday Dish for 3/18
Latte from Dutch Bros (and my coffee guy)
bottle of water
dr. visit, more water
L-around noon- baked three fish fillets - ate two w/ketchup
S-Dannon toasted coconut yogurt and pepper jack cheese stick
water & coffee
1/2 of a kit-kat bar
D-small salad with olives and avocado 1 cup-ish
1 cup of homemade enchilada casserole
other half of kit-kat
and......about 1/2 cup of Lortab j/k (maybe 1/4 cup)
sipping water b/4 bed

Today I got my pressure bandage removed and was scanned with the ultrasound to make sure there were no clots due my newly collapsed vein... all is good so I am now in compression hose for two weeks during the day (can sleep with them off, YAY!) This means I can shower tonight!!!! Well, I've showered, as good as you can with one leg hanging out wrapped in a garbage bag :)

I know this has nothing to do with the band....but I am thinking there may be a few of you that suffer with Varicosities! Probably not as bad as mine but anyway, that is why I am sharing!

Right leg is being done on March least I know what to expect now.

I've been reading your blogs while high on liquid lortab so if I was typing in code or left really gushy messages blame the drugs!

I am going to leave you with even grosser pictures than my pre-op leg photos!

Just to explain a little... a laser fiber is thread up the vein and as it fires it shuts down the vein from inside. That part you can't see except way up my thigh there is a huge red/purple bruise the size of um, a salad plate, a tortilla or TEXAS!

All the marks, or bloody gooey holes if you will are from after the vein was collapsed and then tiny incisions were made and the big lumpy (and now not being filled) veins were removed... I know, I watched them tug them out from all twenty-two sites! It was cool! (Remember, I once was a paramedic)

Lower left of pic you can see the beginning of my HUGE bruise.

Can't wait to share the after photos...if you all will dare look by then! :)
Thanks for the well wishes too! You guys are the best!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Recovery going well!

Hello blogger friends!

My vein surgery on my left leg went well yesterday afternoon. Had somewhat of a rough night of elevating my leg and trying to walk 10-15min every couple of hours (as suggested) Not much sleep and I went too long without taking meds so I had a little pain....not intolerable.

The liquid Lortab gets me queasy so my Doctor gave me some Zofran. It works really well!

Rented a few movies and am gonna take advantage of the down time. That sounds silly coming from a semi-unemployed person but I stay pretty busy for a slacker!

I am adding some pictures of my very ugly varicose veins (before pics) I am wrapped up now for 72hrs then two weeks in compression hose before I will know the results.

for your viewing pleasure (those with weak stomachs may want to skip the pics, Gross!)

All wrapped up for a couple more days.

I bought a dress, in a size large... on clearance for $5.98 Bad pic, but I eyed it for a couple months so when it came on clearance I grabbed it!

Spent the morning before my procedure cleaning my horses stall real well, This is Georgia my 23 y/o Qtr. Horse

Monday, March 15, 2010

Easter candy can suck it!

Temptation blows!

Valentine's Day
Mother's Day

at least there is a slight break before Halloween rolls around again!!!!

But seriously, there is a little protein in those peanut butter eggs, right?

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Note to self.... And a big Thank You!!!

It is never, let me repeat NEVER a good idea to watch youtube videos of procedures you are about to have done!!!!! view here if you dare :)

Also, Thank you all so much for the encouraging words yesterday! I'm better today, queasy feeling gone, new phone set up and hot water to boot! It's going to be a much better day! Oh, and down 1.2 lbs. Onederland, here I come!

Saturday, March 13, 2010


So, I've been having quite the time of it! My power was out for 12hrs and I had to get up to go to work the next day. No shower as the hot water had cooled and then applied makeup via candle light! As I was brushing my teeth I turned and my blackberry slipped out of my pocket and into the sink with the water running on it, TOAST! Grrrr :/
Headed to work with my phone apart holding it on the defroster vent! I pulled into my coffee place (drive up) and my coffee guy asks how my day was going??? My day? Fucked! That's how, see my phone! So he said the Coffee was on him and hoped it would change the tone of my day! It did (for a couple hours) at lunchtime I replaced my phone, lost all my pictures, contacts and had 19 texts that I will never know who they were from did I mention Grrrr!?
It ended badly as well, came home still haven't shopped so I made some spam and eggs! spam, not so good! Band friendly but not as good as I had remembered it from my camping days! Skip ahead a couple hours and I was sick! So close to vomiting and afraid as hell I was going to! I laid down real still... Slept, woke up feeling a little better today.
Okay, done bitching! I was really afraid to vomit. I almost went to the ER to get something to settle my stomach...I might ask on monday when having my vein procedure if there is something I can keep on hand? I live really far out of town and just want to be safe.
Hope everyone is having a good weekend!

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Weekday Dish

Wednesday's Food

A couple cups of coffee
1 pretzel stick that got stuck

11:30 AM - 1/2 cup refried beans mixed with a scrambled egg (that was cooked with a couple tablespoons of cottage cheese) split between two 4-5 inch corn tortillas(warmed in microwave) Sounds gross....and actually it was!
I haven't been to the store in a while.

coffee, water

2PM - I thought Hey Jen, make some homemade cookies....bad idea
3 cookies

6PM - Three super super thin slices of corned beef with two small boiled red spuds and one bite of cabbage.


8PM - 10PM 2 cookies!

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Pictures of Spring (Photo credit: Tamara Gerlach)

These are some photos taken from the ranch where I grew up in California. I had asked my cousin who lives there now to email me a few when she hiked the hill today.

My big request was for the windmill. See, I am working up to a new tattoo. I have only one, that I want to cover with the new one. I am looking to get one with a windmill but I want to make sure it is "girlie" first.
Why a windmill you ask?
Two reasons...because it was something I saw each and every day on the ranch I grew up at...and my love for an Austrailan television series called McLeod's Daughters. (now available on DVD in the US) For anyone who has seen McLeod's daughters the windmill/bathtub is a fixture on the show.
Since I am talking about McLeod's Daughters and Mothers Day is nearing let me suggest this as a gift idea to mom's, sisters or to yourself. There are 8 seasons and each season has 6-8 dvd's (avg. 28-32 episodes a season) Netfix has it I think too so check it out!
I am not paid to promote it I swear!
Happy can't get here fast enough for me!

Blogs in the head don't equal blogs posted

I've been bouncing blog topics around in my head for days now and just haven't been able to get them posted. Not sure why...guess I just think too much about stuff and then it seems stupid in the end.

I'm stuck, scale is stuck, meal planning is stuck, chore list is stuck... I'm not in the same place where I was a few months ago, that dark place of depression but I do feel stagnated.

To cease to be brisk or active; to become dull or inactive; as, commerce stagnates; business stagnates. See also: Jen from Oregon

I'm thinking I need to change things up a bit to get the ball rolling except Monday is my vein surgery so I'm afraid I'll be down a few days and up a few pounds so my Easter goal of Onederland is looking slim...So, I am swapping it to Mother's day!
Wow, to get to Onederland seemed so impossible a few months ago. Before surgery for sure but even in the first few months after It seemed like a pipe dream. I'm ready for it now... today would be good :) but I have a few to go!!!

I'm logging my food for today so I can post for Weekday Dish tomorrow...
So far.... two cups of coffee and a pretzel... that got stuck. Time for me to realize I need to give them up.

I'm ready for Spring! Who's with me????
On Sunday I sat out for a couple hours. It was a high of 59 degrees... Now there is snow on the ground. The signs are everywhere...buds on the fruit trees, flowers blooming and bees buzzing. Won't be long now!

Friday, March 5, 2010

Weekday Dish - a little delayed

So here I go and try to start the Weekday Dish and I am a big flake!
Sorry bout that!
Had to take Hubby to the ER in the morning… he is fine, just had some edema. Then my daughter had a massive headache and ended up there in the evening…she too is fine now (both are at home sleeping while I am doing my one day at work gig on 3 hrs. sleep and simultaneously coming down with the flu from all the germs I breathed at the ER)

So, here is my menu for Thursday:

6AM - Coffee
8AM - More coffee

11AM – two hard boiled eggs with a tad of mayo & some lettuce and hot sauce split between two super small corn tortillas

1PM – coffee, hospital coffee

4PM – went to Outback and had an ice tea (about 1/3) prior to meal
Had half a Ceasar salad, three coconut shrimp and about half of a baked tater

7PM – Starbucks NF/SF Carmel Moch.  Really Jen? Another coffee

11PM – ½ of a protein bar split with my daughter at the hospital

Well, there it is….. J
Not a great eating day…not a terrible one either I guess???

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Thursday is the day ! Launch of "Weekday Dish" ????

After getting a few comments on the proposition lets try Thursdays for food reporting. You can either wait till the end on the day and post Thursdays intake or if you remember what you had, post Wednesdays!
Hope this works for everyone and is helpful too.
Just put Weekday Dish as your post title

~Jen from Oregon

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Proposition to the group!

Well my peeps... I have not posted in a while but have been reading. Seems like every time I go to post something I am just bitching so I erase it and wait another day to see if something better comes along....So far Nada!

Band news: Nothing...still with my last fill that was in early Jan. and I think I am good for now. In the month  from Jan-Feb I lost another 6lbs of fat and gained a pound of muscle. I don't think Feb-March will be as much but I had my trip to Las Vegas and got off track a little bit. (more to do with not working out than eating)  I will do a weigh in at the Doctors on March 15th and use that to see where I stand.

I've had a couple stuck episodes so I know I have good restriction. They were my fault 100% just picking something that I knew better than to try.... but I WANTED IT! (Stomps foot and gives dirty look to the damn french bread)

I'm still doing that thing where I feel like a bottomless pit for a day but then have hardly anything for a couple days...not sure what gives but I need to try to get more of a balance.

Proposition: I noticed a lot of you post what you are eating daily...and some (like me) post that info randomly just to provide an idea to others what we are consuming. What if we pick a day of the week where everyone tries to post what they ate? I figure it will do a couple of things... 1. a blog post that you don't have to think too much about would be covered for at least one day a week  and 2. give an idea to others what we are eating! I'm thinking a weekday might work out better than a weekend.... any takers? Then we need a name?

Other: I am scheduled for my vein surgery on Monday March 15th (left Leg) and then my right leg on Tuesday April 6th. I am really happy to get this done. I have THE UGLIEST VARICOSE VEINS!!!! This (and being fat) has kept me from wearing shorts for ......well, forever! I will be having it done where I had my WLS. It is an out patient procedure and is nothing like the old way they used to do it when I first looked into it years ago.  They slide a needle/rod up your main vein and then with a laser close off the branch leading to the big bulgy veins....then when they are empty the make little cuts and remove the empty vein forever. Sounds easy enough :)  Mine ache and swell. I really am excited about it.

Well, I am off to try to read and comment on a few blogs.