Monday, February 28, 2011

2011 Goal - weigh in day! (and a random gift question)

Back on Feb. 10th I posted my first ever public goal here of losing 20lbs (taking me to ultimate goal) by July 31, 2011.

I didn't weigh in that day but I started tracking on 2/13.
On Wed. 2/23 I FINALLY could claim 90 down!
Today I am 92 down and have 17lbs - 10oz to go to reach my 20lb goal.
I am keeping track on my sidebar and will weigh in monthly.

I have to give another shout out to! It is awesome for tracking calories consumed and burned! It really opened my eyes to "snacking" calories. Even though these are really mini-meals for me. I've revamped my personal plan and am focused on three meals (even if one is a shake) and limiting snacking unless I LOG EVERY BITE!

I know the hiking is helping things move seeing that I had only lost 5 lbs since last August and I had been idle exercise wise from October to February.

I came across some fresh bear poo a couple days ago so I am now packing heat on my hikes. (belt & extra clips is like a additional 5 lb weight) It is probably a false sense of security because a mountain lion attack is more of a threat and you don't see them coming. I just make a lot of noise and talk to my dog along the way.

And now for the gift question. I'm stumped! I have a friend who is having a baby in a couple days. However, this child is going to another family, openly. I'd like to find something I can gift to my friend that she might could use/need after coming home. She is very strong about this decision (she has children, three teenagers, living with her that are understanding of the situation)
Any ideas?


Saturday, February 26, 2011

Surviving the storm

Our big Storm of 2011 was kind of a let down. We didn't lose power or get snowed in for days. Heck, I didn't even have to climb on the roof to scoop out the dish. It is always good to be prepared I guess though. Today it has all turned to ice and was freezing on my daily hike (17*) had I waited a couple hours it warmed up to about 41*!

I've starting using My fitness pal online and I like it very much. I also am using the notes section to record my medication, sleep, pain level and cognitive state for the day. I think this will be handy because you can print it out in a report just in case I need to go back and look for trends or if a medication is helping or not. Hope I can keep it up.

Made a yummy shake a few times... Yes, I said yummy!
I use one Atkins Advantage Vanilla shake, 1/2 a scoop of EAS vanilla protein powder, about 5-6 ice cubes and 2 T of sugar free orange Torani syrup. I think I read this or a version of it on the world according to eggface site
225 calories and 27g protein and it tastes good!

I made homemade lasagna today and I am considering another hour hike so I can have 1/2 piece of Texas toast garlic bread..... Na, I'll just skip it!

Or will I?

Wednesday, February 23, 2011


So I thought I would post this real fast before I am cut off from the world. I need to go prep for what they are saying will be quite the storm. We are expecting at least a foot of snow.

Wow! It took me since August 4th to lose 5 lbs. really? Oh Well! no one to blame but myself.

Today I was going to try the 5 day pouch test but I may delay a couple days. I might need something besides liquid calories if I am dragging generators through snow and splitting firewood.

I hope I have this right... I am too rushed to go look through all my notes but I think this 70 lbs. lost post band. The rest was from highest weight to pre-op diet. (mine was 2 weeks)

I thought I would claim and post before the cookies show up :)

If you don't see me around or commenting it is because my internet is dish (wildblue) and is on the roof. When the snow hits we lose it. I will be reading from my phone though!

This leaves 19.5 to go till ultimate goal!

Monday, February 21, 2011

Stupid Girl!


What was I thinking?

I should know by now that I can't have them in the house.


I had my appointment with the Rheumatologist today and have the "official" Fibromyalgia diagnosis. I did have lower back/hip swelling (which is not due to the fibro) so I had an x-ray... waiting on that.

We are going to start with trying to address my sleep issues then in three weeks I go back to see where I want to start as far as any medications.

It is crazy to me to know how much mental issues/stress can end up presenting themselves physically. But it is nice to know that I have a ground zero and someone (Dr.) who gets the complexity of fibro and who spent nearly 2.5 hours explaining how all my symptoms are connected to each other and connected to the past traumas/PTSD.

Got another big hike in yesterday (not today, today all I got in was cookies) The sun was out but it was cold.

I stood with my face towards the sun for a good five minutes! I felt like a sunflower chasing it. I really need it to be Spring.

Like. Right. Now!

and for fun:

(A) Age: 41
(B) Bed Size: California King
(C) Chore You Hate: mopping
(D) Dogs? Always! I have a heeler
(E) Essential Start Your Day Item: Coffee and Facebook
(F) Favorite Color: Green
(G) Gold or Silver? Gold
(H) Height: 5'11"
(I) Instruments You Play: Does the song flute count?
(J) Job Title: Estimator
(K) Kids: 3
(L) Live: Southern Oregon
(M) Mom's Name: Billye Jean
(N) Nicknames: Jenn
(O) Overnight Hospital Stays? A few too many
(P) Pet Peeve: leaving drawers or cabinet doors cracked open
(Q) Quote from a Movie: Ellen: I don't know what to say, except it's Christmas and we're all in misery. - Christmas Vacation
(R) Right or Left Handed? Right
(S) Siblings: Four sisters and one brother who passed
(T) Time You Wake Up? pretty much every couple hours. I'm out of bed by 6am
(U) Underwear: V.S. mixed bag of styles
(V) Vegetable You Dislike: turnips
(W) What Makes You Run Late: Other peoples inconsideration
(X) X-Rays You've Had Done: head to toe. I owned mules for years. I do not advise
(Y) Yummy Food You Make: Shrimp creole
(Z) Zoo: Caged critters sorta creep me out.

Sunday, February 20, 2011


Not much new here but I am trying to stay dedicated to posting, commenting and to myself.

It's been a pretty quiet weekend so far. I dug out all my tax stuff yesterday and started sorting. UGH! That is always stressful but I made a good dent.

Hubby went with me for my hike (which is something I am starting to crave, weird!) We went for an hour at a slower pace due to his pain. It was good as he had been down for the last week with some sort of virus and the fresh cold snowy air I am sure did him some good. I managed to make it more of a workout for me as he took his time climbing our driveway (which has a 1000' elevation change from bottom to top) I went ahead the 1/4 mile and circled back to do it again with him. I'm a bit sore today!

I've been doing great on the eating, water and hiking. My scale has moved three ounces down. F*%$! Whatever! I'm doing what I know how to do. It will happen, fingers crossed!

Made some fish last night that was yummy.
I foil lined a baking sheet and then sliced a lemon in real thin rings. Laid the lemon on the foil, placed Tilapia on the lemon. I seasoned to top of the fish with a little low sodium old bay and black pepper. Then I poured about 1/4 to 1/2 cup of boiling water around the fish, covered tightly with foil and baked at 400 for about 12 - 15 min. It was really moist, had a lemon flavor and I think each fillet is under 100 calories and 23g protein (as I recall)

I'm going to return to my Taxes now. =/

Saturday, February 19, 2011

FK @ The Secret diaries of...

Your blog won't allow comments. Wanted to say welcome back!

Friday, February 18, 2011

Feel free to skip ... Just needed a place to post a link

Can we guess who I saw today?
You may recall this post


There is no hope for me!

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Birthday celebrations

Today was my daughter's 22nd birthday (she is my oldest) I meet up with her and we went to dinner and then to Target to do a little shopping. It was a nice afternoon/evening.

a late weekday dish:

protein shake

Lunch: can of tuna mixed with salsa and a few walnuts

more coffee from Dutch Bros.

Dinner: three meatballs with red sauce (golf ball sized) 1/2 a small salad plate of salad.

Split a piece of cheesecake with the birthday girl


The weather and location allowed me to wear my favorite couch coat. It's funky and I love it... I don't care if it is ridiculous. LOL

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Nor Cal - OR - Washington ??? Meet up!

March 5th in Eugene, OR is the day!
I can't wait to meet up with everyone.
If you'd like to join us please contact me at as the meeting place may be sent via email or keep an eye out on Lap Band Gal's blog

It is so nice to have something to look forward to!

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

I guess that answers that!

Trouble (AKA Not Lassie) and I went for it rain and all.

The run off in my waterfall was crazy from last nights rain.

washed out trail. I sent Trouble ahead to make sure it wasn't too deep.

:) Felt good even in the rain!

lovesick teen

Yesterday was pretty uneventful. I'm not a huge fan of Valentine's. I did however drag my lovesick 18 y/o son, Eli to town to get his girlfriend some things. It was cute seeing him stress with all the other last minute shoppers. I left him in town at his brothers house and I came home and cooked for hubs and me. Just like any other night really.

I've kicked up the hiking from 30 to 45 min 4x since my goal to lose 20lbs announcement. I've hit the water hard, watched my sodium, been doing a shake at least once a day (breakfast or lunch) and lean protein dinners. My scale has read the same for one week. THE SAME! no matter where I move it on my bathroom floor I get the same reading. Grrr! I'm not giving up, I just wish it would move a little faster. But hey, it's not going up, right?

The weather sucks today. We have had heavy rain/slush all night so I am not sure about getting out today. I'm not afraid of getting wet as much as I am about getting hurt by slipping/falling. When I say "hike" it really is. The trails get muddy and I am very isolated. There is spotty cell service and my dog, sadly, is no Lassie.

Maybe I am just making excuses. It would be easier to sit in front of the fire, cook a pot of soup and watch the slush fall. And of late, I've been all about easy. I'm mentally exhausted.

Have any of you married/partnered peeps ever gone on a vacation by yourself? A friend of mine just did a road trip alone for a couple weeks and I was so envious. Being alone is a huge challenge for me. As much as I crave (and rarely get) alone time I find I spend it connected somehow (blackberry, facebook) and not embracing it. The last few months all that I can think about is having a week or two to do as I please, go where I like, hit the open road. UNPLUGGED! Even if I could muster the courage to ask for the time-out we don't have the funds available. So here I sit, watching the slush, cooking soup and dreaming of the open road.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Blogger Alert - Show some love

Can we all show some love over here: Banded Kryptonite

It is Valentine's after all! <3

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Re-introduction & Weekend Dish

I thought I would follow in the path of some of our beloved bloggers and do a re-introduction for the newbies. Some of the information to follow may be wrong as I am apparently losing my mind. :)

I'm Jen, I am 41, married/together 26 years. I have a stepson and three adult children which only one is still home but never here. I moved to Oregon from the California Bay Area in 2004. We live in a very isolated area, BFE if you will and although it is beautiful it is hard living. It was however the best choice we ever made for our children.

I never dieted, ever.

Although I have always been a big girl at 5'11" I was a size 12-14 up until my first pregnancy (which happened on my 19th birthday) Then I had two more children 10 months apart (I do not advise this) When all was said and done I chose food as my drug of choice for stress, for celebration, for stuffing the hurt.

I didn't own a scale for many, many years. So it is hard to know what my highest weight was. I was in a 22/24 pant and a 2x top for a good 20 years.

I have spent my adult life taking care of other people (even when it wasn't required or asked for) and not taking care of myself. My husband is older, has health issues and his drug of choice to deal with it was/is painkillers. I don't deny he has pain. He has incredible and sometimes intolerable pain. But there is a checkout factor that I became aware of early on. This left me to pick up the slack/stress when things went south with the kids, to worry about finances, to basically do my part plus some.

One day back in 2009 I decided if I am the only person my kids can rely on I better start taking care of myself. I started by seeing my doc who suggested high blood pressure meds and cholesterol medication and that it might benefit me to lose some weight. Really? I was 40. I was not ready to go on medications so I started therapy to learn how to let go of some of the things that I had no control over (hoping to help the BP) These sessions delved deep into stuff I had never dealt with. A molestation/rape as a young child (11), my dad who treated my older siblings (their step-dad) abusively but he did not me (insert guilt here) and many more things... We all have a story, some are the same but this was really healing.

I opened the paper mid June 09 and there was an add for a seminar to go over the options of lapband or bypass and on a whim I went. I had never thought about it prior. You were required to have someone go with you, your support person, even to this intro meeting. I begged my husband to go and he did.

He thought it was ridiculous.

I however made my decision that day and started planning my pre-ops and because I had to have a support person locally who um supported me I asked my Mom and one of my sisters who made the trek from California (6hrs. a shot)to join me for all the required pre-surgery classes, meetings and such. I am so grateful they were willing to do this.

My surgery was July 31, 2009

Since that date life has actually SUCKED! Nothing to do with the band, that is the only silver lining. I have experienced the most stress, grief and anything else you could put my way since my banding. A death in family, job loss, loss of 22 y/o cat, my horse being killed by a bear, my kids moving out (good, but stressful) and now dealing with the mystery illness which is looking more and more like Fibromyalgia. *Sigh* on top of still not having my circle of friends and family close for support and the feeling of isolation up here on this mountain. Thank you internet, bloggers, Facebook & cell phones! But I need a huge, grown up time-out real soon or I think I am going to go postal.

I get so much from these blogs you have no idea.

It is a lifeline

and I am so thankful to have it. I am trying to get back into the posting habit but myself, like a few others out there are just BLAH... Stuck, stalled, down, bitching. I really hate that (about myself) because it is not my normal self. I am generally optimistic even in light of current situations. But I seriously can't stand myself sometimes so I avoid blogging. I have to remind myself that it is a platform for me, that it is not intended to be written to others but I think we all tend to self-edit and think about the followers when we post, right?

Thanks for following!

Weekend Dish
Sat 2/12

5am - Coffee

7am - protein shake (Atkins Carmel cafe w/ ice, scoop of v. pro. powder and a little left over black coffee)

bottle of water

10 - mojo clif bar (got stuck)

11am 45 min HIKE on the ranch, just me and my dog Trouble.

12 - bottle water

2pm - one serving (3/4 cup) special K protein cereal with 1/2 a banana and one serving of chopped walnuts



6pm - dinner was a pounded flat chicken breast (I had 1/2 a breast) lightly floured and seared. made a fake out gravy w/ cream of mushroom soup. Salad w/ rice wine vinegar


all and all a pretty good day eating, water and exercise!

Saturday, February 12, 2011

insane in the membrane - part 2 & vein surgery update w/many pics

Okay, I think I am actually losing it!
I am feeling like a dumb-ass. Here is the deal. In my last couple posts I stated my first (and last, fingers crossed) goal to get to my ultimate goal weight by losing the last 20 lbs. by my two year bandaversary date of 8/31/11.

Funny thing is, today I was thinking about dates and when I had my veins operated on and how I thought it was strange that that surgery date fell on the day my brother lost his life and how my lapband surgery had fallen on his birthday. Yes, His birthday, July 31! I HAD THE WRONG DATE AS MY BANDAVERSARY! Geesh! Okay, the goal is still to lose the 20 lbs by 7/31. Oh Dear Lord Help ME!

BTW I don't know if I ever updated the varicose vein surgery results?

Gross pictures to follow - fair warning

On March 15th 2010 I had laser treatment done and removal of the veins. I had the WORST bulgy, ugly, painful veins ever.


Having the surgery:

Three days wrapped up and two weeks of support/pressure hose:

Yikes! Hope it gets better than this

Four weeks post op:

And today, almost a year later there is still red scars but the lumps and bumps are gone. Might want to put on your sunglasses for these :)

Friday, February 11, 2011

150! and BYOC!

WOW! 150 followers... that is so cool since all I have been doing is bitching and moaning lately. If I am not following you please send me an email to with a link to your blog.

BYOC Friday….5 little questions you can copy and paste into your blog to get to know each other better and to give your blogging brain a break!

1. What day of the week do you love and what day of the week do you hate?
Currently the days sort of blend together as I am not working, all my kids are grown, husband is retired so every day is like a Sat. But I have to say I love Sunday. I wake up early and the house is quiet. I have a routine of making my coffee and watching CBS Sunday Morning. I cook and bake and sometimes I have my kids all home for a meal. Then I love me some Big Love, Shameless, Kourtney & Kim take New York (don't judge) at night.
Least favorite would be Wednesday. I don't have a good reason but it seem like I always have stuff going on on a Wednesday.

2. What is your middle name and is there a meaning behind it?

My middle name is Page. It was my maternal grandmothers maiden name. I gave it to my daughter as her middle name as well. On a side note, my Son Zackary was given the middle name "Turk" after my brother (Bill Turk) who was killed long before he was born. My youngest son, Elijah has the same middle name as his father "Gene".

3. Since I’m dreaming of my next tattoo, I’m going to ask this one. Do you have any tattoos? How many? If you don’t have one – what would you get if you did have one?

I have one tattoo and I'd like to cover it/morph it into something else. I don't regret it. it is a unicorn with my daughters name on it on my left shoulder. It was done before they had all the pretty inks and is rather old school. I have two planned. One to cover current will be of a windmill like this first picture. The windmill has to do with two things. I grew up on a working ranch in California and saw a windmill every day of my life (the one in the second picture is from there) It also has to do with McLeod's Daughters, a great AU TV show. My band "Claire" is named after one of the Daughters from that show.

My other planned tattoo is of script taken from the lyrics of the song "Be the change" by Gypsy Soul. I will post full lyrics. The BOLD section is the words I would like perhaps on my rib area? Not sure where yet.


(Cilette Swann / Roman Morykit)

We are flesh and bone and
We are parts unknown
We are ashes, we are dust

We are rogues and kings
We are bold extremes
We are jury, we are judge

We are strength and heart
Though we are miles apart
We are one, we are love

We are hopes and dreams
We are noble beings
We are diamonds in the rough

Have we lost sight of all we are
Forgotten history and its scars
Reduced ourselves to doubt and fear
Given up what we hold dear

Freedom is won and fought
Lives are lost, souls are bought
But lasting freedom lives inside
Within our hearts and in our minds

So, BE THE CHANGE you wish to see
Be the peace that sets you free
Be the love you want to feel
Be the cure that helps you heal

Be the dreams that you desire
Be the spark of your own fire
Be the future you inspire
Be the wings that take you higher

So, BE THE CHANGE you wish to see
Be the peace that sets you free
Be the love you want to feel
Be the cure that helps you heal

Be the dreams that you desire
Be the spark of your own fire
Be the future you inspire
Be the wings that take you higher
BE THE CHANGE you wish to see
Be the peace that sets you free
Be the love you want to feel
Be the cure that helps you heal

Be the dreams that you desire
Be the spark of your own fire
Be the future you inspire
Be the wings that take you higher

This is my daughters first tattoo. It is quite pretty. It just fits under her uniform (She is an officer for Homeland Security)

4. On that same theme of dirty little secrets…how many piercings do you have? Any you wish you had?

I have many in both ears but never wear earrings... ever. I went to Berkeley, CA twice and chickened out both times to get my boobies done. SO, I dunno...someday?

5. Repeat question: Summarize your life in blog land and in real life.

Life in Blogland always inspires me. The support I have had from everyone is just awesome even when I feel like I just bitch all the time.

I too am glad to see our lovely Barbara posting. (HUGS)

I have set my first public goal on my blog just yesterday and that is to lose my last 20 lbs by August 31, 2011. This is actually my first real goal in general since being banded. The loss of 20 more pounds from today's weight would bring me to my ultimate goal. I will post my loss/gain monthly on my sidebar. I tend to avoid posting actual weight in pounds. Not because I don't want it known. I myself read peoples weight and start to compare. But there is a big difference between two different people. I am 5'11" and a bit muscular in build so I will never be 150lbs. It's my own deal really....

Summarize real life: It blows! but the sun rises every morning and sets again at night and I get to do it all over again the next day. Decisions need to be made and things need to be dealt with and confronted but I didn't have it in me last week. Maybe this week?

Thursday, February 10, 2011

knocking out a couple more and a 2011 goal

Yesterday I saw my urologist and had a CT scan of kidneys and bladder looking for stones as I have a history of them. Following that I was lucky enough to have a Cystocopy (scope of the bladder) No cancer, no stones, no infection. I have an overactive bladder & interstitial cystitis, painful bladder syndrome (IC). Yet again, these can be linked directly to Fibromyalgia.

I guess I just need to suck it up and settle on that as my diagnosis. Believe me, I am glad it was not MS, Cancer, Lupus or any of the other things that have been tossed around. I think I just have an issue with Fibromyalgia since there is no "official test" proving that you have it and it could be responsible for completely kicking your ass with the most random symptoms.

My next appointment is with a Rheumatologist. If it is his conclusion as well btw, he is a local expert of FM and has it himself. I will attempt some sort of medication(s). I have been holding off till now as I am a little bit anti-meds and tend to have reactions to them which, ironically, is also a Fibromyalgia link.

I'm jinxed when it comes to losing this 1/2 lb. I need to claim 90 lost (from all time high) I lost some pre-band and even more on liquid diet pre-band. My weight loss was pretty small after one year. I will have two years under my belt this summer and my goal is to lose 20, no 15, no 20...


There, I said it out loud to the entire internet. How do I plan to do it you ask? What? caffeine, nicotine & some pills off the internet are not an option? Crap! Back to the basics I guess.

First I need to address the fatigue and pain (hope I get this underway on 2/21) It is really hard to explain how fatigued I am. I am not a lazy person. I tend to move about and am a little ADD, the fact that it can take every ounce of energy for me to get out of bed and shower and then feel like I need a nap after is not okay with me. Although, looking back, I have had much shorter attacks like this over the last 10 years. There was always a reason I could blame it on but this is since FREAKING OCTOBER! Okay, where was I?

1. Need to address pain & fatigue

2. need to move my ass, somehow, everyday, even if I have to take a nap after

3. I plan to use Lent to help achieve this goal somehow.

4. Water, not sweet yummy coffee all day.

5. increase calories (not a typo) I've fallen back into a habit of not eating most of the day and just eating dinner. My calories have been lacking, I however have not been hungry, so I will start with adding some shakes in the AM and see how that goes.

That's my plan for now...
Wish me luck :)~

Sunday, February 6, 2011

MRI results and the never ending stress

I received the results of my MRI last week and there were no signs of MS. Of course I am happy about that but I didn't really have a chance to celebrate the good news.

Last Sunday morning I received a text from my daughters (live-in) boyfriend saying that she would need me that day as he decided it wasn't for him and he was moving out while she was at work. Total Blindside. I really like this boy but I think it was a chickenshit move to do it that way....but, whatever. So, I decided I needed to be there when she got home. I couldn't imagine her walking in to an empty place.. It was heartbreaking. There was nothing I could/can do to take her pain away. It is the hardest part of parenting for sure.

She is doing well, very driven, very accomplished girl of 21 and I know she will survive this but if I could take the pain away I would.

I stayed with her a couple days and all the while I could feel that I was getting sick (I'm sure I picked up something while going to one of my 14 appointments in January) I ended up with strep throat and an ear infection. Let me tell you something bandsters, antibiotics in liquid form = gag! But I am happy to report that my girl is on the mend, I am on the mend (st least from this infection)

So, even with the good results it still leaves the question WTF is wrong with me? We are back to the Fibromyalgia theory and I will be seeing a Rheumatologist later in the month. The bladder issues will be addressed on Wednesday.

Last Friday (week ago) after my MRI I had a fill scheduled. I got .15?, .1 & 1/2.. taking me to 9.5 & 1/2 is that 9.55? in my 11 cc realize band. In true form the fill kicked in one week later and I've been extra careful because of the throat/cold thing. I feel it for sure. I have no hunger and actually have had to struggle to get my protein in. I average a min. of 40g a day but always shoot for more. I have given up the carbs again as I had started to depend on them to boost my low energy levels and then I'd crash and feel worse.

One day at a time, one problem at a time, one pound at a time.....

Where the hell is Spring? I really could use some sun and flowers and birds singing :)