Tuesday, December 15, 2009

No title, just feeling sorry for myself

I'm unmotivated, uninterested, unimpressed and unhappy!

Nothing to do with my band or this process mind you, in fact, that is my only happy spot :)

I'm just so tired of being the only one to keep it together...Sometimes I just want to fuck up royally and see how they would all react! Do something, you know? Like get in a bar fight (but I don't drink) or get a traffic ticket (but I don't speed) Or actually throw all the dishes they left in the sink out in the freaking yard. (but, nope...I wash them)

It is my own fault really...well, the things I allow. The rest of it is just me, I follow rules, I am not a thrill seeker and I like order. They know it and abuse it.
With every single layer that is removed from me... the more pissed off I get.

I deserve more, at least as much as I give....

I see some big changes coming in 2010 and I am freaked the hell out!

That's enough for now. Going to go find my Ativan and calm the "F" down.


  1. Are you a domestic engineer and have to keep it together and the house running smoothly?! I have went on strike mode in the laundry dept...amazing how hubby brought up 2 baskets of clothes from the basement to fold last night.....guess the strike worked as I am normally the ONLY one to fold. Doing laundry to them is stuff the clothes in the washer and in the dryer ~ no folding, no hanging, no putting away! Hope the Ativan helped and you are now calm! ;-)

  2. It sounds like you need a vacation. I get like that sometimes too. Even just a three day weekend can help with this. . any chance of getting away at all?

    Hang in there!


  3. I totally know where you're coming from. Sometimes I wonder what my husband would do if I didn't fix the kids every meal, bathe them, get them dressed, do the dishes, etc, etc. Would he even notice? Sometimes I tell him that it must be nice to be him, without a care in the world. The funny thing is that he thinks he actually does a ton around here. Hmm, doing the dishes once on the weekend doesn't qualify for a whole lot. Anyway, I hear you.

    Maybe try to plan a night once a week where you get away and do something for yourself. Even a few hours away might do wonders for keeping you sane!

  4. Doesn't it feel good just to rant sometimes and let it all out!!! I don't really have words of wisdom to offer...However I did see Carin the other night at the support group and told her we all need to get together sometime!

  5. YOU are not alone, my friend! Not by a long shot. And, I think it's more pronounced this time of the year with everything else we have going on and everything that needs done! What would happen if we all got in the car and took a long drive to some warm and tropical place and met there for a Lapband convention Dec 24-Jan 1? Would the holidays even arrive at our homes? LOL!!!
    Sounds like a great fantasy right about now!
    Hang in there and I sure hope you can make those changes!!!

  6. That is exactly how I feel but I do speed. I had my evaluation today at work and My Supervisor told me I was depressed and suggested I see a doctor. I hope things get better with you. I'll be thinking of you.

  7. It's good to vent and get it all out, very cathartic!!!

  8. How are you doing????? Hopefully the dark clouds are passing and you are wooping it up.....8-)


  9. i cant add anything..but chime in with another I can relate.


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