I thought I would follow in the path of some of our beloved bloggers and do a re-introduction for the newbies. Some of the information to follow may be wrong as I am apparently losing my mind. :)
I'm Jen, I am 41, married/together 26 years. I have a stepson and three adult children which only one is still home but never here. I moved to Oregon from the California Bay Area in 2004. We live in a very isolated area, BFE if you will and although it is beautiful it is hard living. It was however the best choice we ever made for our children.
I never dieted, ever.
Although I have always been a big girl at 5'11" I was a size 12-14 up until my first pregnancy (which happened on my 19th birthday) Then I had two more children 10 months apart (I do not advise this) When all was said and done I chose food as my drug of choice for stress, for celebration, for stuffing the hurt.
I didn't own a scale for many, many years. So it is hard to know what my highest weight was. I was in a 22/24 pant and a 2x top for a good 20 years.
I have spent my adult life taking care of other people (even when it wasn't required or asked for) and not taking care of myself. My husband is older, has health issues and his drug of choice to deal with it was/is painkillers. I don't deny he has pain. He has incredible and sometimes intolerable pain. But there is a checkout factor that I became aware of early on. This left me to pick up the slack/stress when things went south with the kids, to worry about finances, to basically do my part plus some.
One day back in 2009 I decided if I am the only person my kids can rely on I better start taking care of myself. I started by seeing my doc who suggested high blood pressure meds and cholesterol medication and that it might benefit me to lose some weight. Really? I was 40. I was not ready to go on medications so I started therapy to learn how to let go of some of the things that I had no control over (hoping to help the BP) These sessions delved deep into stuff I had never dealt with. A molestation/rape as a young child (11), my dad who treated my older siblings (their step-dad) abusively but he did not me (insert guilt here) and many more things... We all have a story, some are the same but this was really healing.
I opened the paper mid June 09 and there was an add for a seminar to go over the options of lapband or bypass and on a whim I went. I had never thought about it prior. You were required to have someone go with you, your support person, even to this intro meeting. I begged my husband to go and he did.
He thought it was ridiculous.
I however made my decision that day and started planning my pre-ops and because I had to have a support person locally who um supported me I asked my Mom and one of my sisters who made the trek from California (6hrs. a shot)to join me for all the required pre-surgery classes, meetings and such. I am so grateful they were willing to do this.
My surgery was July 31, 2009
Since that date life has actually SUCKED! Nothing to do with the band, that is the only silver lining. I have experienced the most stress, grief and anything else you could put my way since my banding. A death in family, job loss, loss of 22 y/o cat, my horse being killed by a bear, my kids moving out (good, but stressful) and now dealing with the mystery illness which is looking more and more like Fibromyalgia. *Sigh* on top of still not having my circle of friends and family close for support and the feeling of isolation up here on this mountain. Thank you internet, bloggers, Facebook & cell phones! But I need a huge, grown up time-out real soon or I think I am going to go postal.
I get so much from these blogs you have no idea.
It is a lifeline
and I am so thankful to have it. I am trying to get back into the posting habit but myself, like a few others out there are just BLAH... Stuck, stalled, down, bitching. I really hate that (about myself) because it is not my normal self. I am generally optimistic even in light of current situations. But I seriously can't stand myself sometimes so I avoid blogging. I have to remind myself that it is a platform for me, that it is not intended to be written to others but I think we all tend to self-edit and think about the followers when we post, right?
Thanks for following!
5am - Coffee
7am - protein shake (Atkins Carmel cafe w/ ice, scoop of v. pro. powder and a little left over black coffee)
bottle of water
10 - mojo clif bar (got stuck)
11am 45 min HIKE on the ranch, just me and my dog Trouble.
12 - bottle water
2pm - one serving (3/4 cup) special K protein cereal with 1/2 a banana and one serving of chopped walnuts
6pm - dinner was a pounded flat chicken breast (I had 1/2 a breast) lightly floured and seared. made a fake out gravy w/ cream of mushroom soup. Salad w/ rice wine vinegar
all and all a pretty good day eating, water and exercise!