Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Father Hunger?

I was watching Ruby last week and the term "Father Hunger" came up. Anyone ever hear this term before?

It made me curious who, besides myself, has had a missing father figure or early death of a father?

I've always known that my father's death and his absence when living was why I gravitated to older men at a young age. I never gave much thought to the connection between body image and the lack of a male role model reaffirming my looks/accepting me during those impressionable early years... How much did this contribute to my weight gain?

I've always felt it (weight gain) was more a direct result of a few key things:
Self-protection after the rape
Not making myself a priority
Having children (3 HUGE babies)
plain laziness

Now that I think back part of why I became a victim was due in part to my seeking that approval/acceptance. I just unfortunately did so from a pedophile.

The learning just never stops in this journey, does it?

Well, I am off this afternoon for leg #2. YAY! I am so happy to be having this done even though the recovery has been a bitch. Leg #1 is still healing but I can already see quite a difference (if I look real hard behind the swelling and bruises)
Today's leg is mostly on my upper thigh so I am not sure if that will be better or worse for the recovery phase.

Sorry for being a slacker on the comments (holds head in shame) It's just I do so much of my reading via my cell phone. I'll be laid up the rest of the week so hope to catch up with everyone!


  1. good luck today!!! Glad leg #1 is getting better :-)

  2. I hope today goes well. It will be good to have this all behind you! I hope the recovery goes well!!

  3. It is so hard to comment via cell phone so I totally understand.

    This is a very interesting topic!

    Good luck with leg #2!

  4. Glad to hear you are feeling a bit better...

  5. You'll be so happy you had this done when you can put on a pair of short and strut your legs.

  6. Ahh babes,
    Thinking of you today as leg #2 is done. I hope it all goes well. You're going to have a rocking set of legs so lots of shorts for the up coming summer!

  7. I think its good that you're making these connections. You are smart to analyze yourself so you know what you're up against! I never really thought about it, but, I did gain most of my weight after my father died. Fortunately, my situation was much different as my father was a very important part of my life. He was strong, a wonderful man who had so many dreams and plans that were just lost when he got cancer (skin cancer). Losing him at a younger age for me (he was 55)-I was married but no children yet - I missed him so much and just was so heartbroken for me and for him because he really wanted to see his kids grow up and we talked about how much he would miss us. Anyway, I felt like with him gone, I had no one to really protect me - that I was completely alone and vulnerable. I gained 30-40lbs in the years just after his death. I think I partially filled my sadness and worries of having to 'fend for myself' in the world without my Dad with food. So, I understand but from a different perspective. I never actually related my weight gain from losing my father and the impact it had on me - but I'm sure the stress from it had perhaps something to do with it combined with all the other things too.
    Well, good luck with surgery! I hope its a bit easier on you than the last one!

  8. So sorry to hear that you were raped....I am glad you are a survivor. I know 2 ladies that survived being attacked and one went on to be a very strong lady but has very unsuccessful relationships whereas her sister is a hyperchondriac who has put on so much weight to become obese. Good luck on the 2nd leg

  9. this post was very emotional for me. i was attached at a young age (13) so i know how that feels. funnily enough though, i wouldn't change it. is that odd? it has made me who i am.
    as far as your dad, i'm so so sorry. my daddy is my rock and was a very positive male role model in my life. we've always had father/daughter things from the time i was very young i can remember going to the races with my dad. and it stuck. hency my name. lol
    thank gawd, daddy is still with us. i know that day will come and i know when it does it will be BAD!
    good luck with your surgery on your other leg. keep us posted and let us know how you're doing.

  10. meant attacked, sorry about that. should have proof read before i posted.

  11. Very interesting this "father hunger". My dad was absent for a good chunk of my childhood. My mom is also overweight and she was very close to her father, but he died when she was 9. I'll have to read about it more.

    Thanks for the great (and candid) post! Hope you have a speedy recovery!

  12. How is leg #2? Jen, you are a very strong woman!


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