Sunday, March 20, 2011

Happy Vernal Equinox! 'bout time! and update...

YAY! Spring is here, well according to the calendar anyway. I am so looking forward to longer, brighter days. This grey weather has to go! (unfortunately, we have a good week of it still ahead. Sigh)

I got the husband to go to the ER on Friday night. He had gone nearly a month with his symptoms (nausea, dizzy, loss of taste) well, Friday about 1/3 of his tongue went numb. I think it freaked him out enough to go.
They believe he has had a stroke. An MRI is needed this coming week to confirm and r/o anything else like a clot or tumor. He was released as there was not a lot they could do at that point.
When the Doctor told him he didn't believe that his taste or tongue numbness would revert I think it hit him pretty hard. (side note - he can speak and chew okay thankfully)

This part is about me.

SAD: I feel sad that he can't taste. That would suck. It hurts me because that is one thing that I know I am good at (cooking) and he has always appreciated.

ANGRY: I'm pissed. Mad that he didn't go early on although it wouldn't have changed much. Pissed that he has ignored a blood pressure of 200/110 for a few years. Really? What did you think would happen? Resentful that I could be put in a position to end up providing life altering care to someone who doesn't care for themselves.

GUILTY: I feel guilty that I quit on him. That I quit control of his medical care and treatment. It wasn't my job but I had made it so as I avoided my own self-care. I know that I am ultimately not responsible but my heart hurts thinking that I could have done more.

So that is about it. Tomorrow I see the therapist and my Rheumatologist then I will "assist" in getting his medical records to the VA for the MRI. It is going to be a busy Monday!

******Attn to any family/friends that read this. I don't think he is ready to share this news until he gets additional results. He doesn't want his Mom to know for sure. Please respect that this is my outlet and the views/thoughts are what "I" am going through. I don't want to feel like I have to edit this. Thank you :) *******

16 comments:

  1. Wow, hang in there...that's a lot to take on. {{HUGS}} I'm here for you if you need to talk

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  2. I'm sorry, hon. :( We're always here to listen if you need to vent.

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  3. I am so sorry! I hope they find something to help him very soon. Hugs!

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  4. So sorry, it sounds very complicated, but don't second guess yourself. You need to put You first.

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  5. So sorry for what you guys are going through. I hope everything changes for the better!

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  6. Big hugs! And lots of good, happy thoughts and prayers are coming your way from PA.

    *hugs*

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  7. From what you say it sounds as though he was so low that he had given up on himself - I have felt very much like that at one stage, but it's not till you've put it in words now that I've realised that if anything HAD happened to me, I would have been hurting those around me even further. I admit I didn't even think about them...
    Fingers crossed everything's OK.
    Caroline

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  8. Sending love your way. Thinking of you. It's okay to have all of those feelings.

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  9. I sent mental support for you as I drove by on my way south Saturday night (late). Just a few short miles south of you in Redding it was sunny...Spring is coming north (slowly!!).

    I hope your husband is OK and that you get the best possible news as his MRI results come in.

    xxxooo

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  10. I can understand the mixed emotions you are having at the moment and I don't blame you.

    I wouldn't know whether to hug him or ring his neck :p I hope he is okay!!

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  11. Sorry Jen, this must be so hard. I hope everything gets better for you and for him.

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  12. You are in my thoughts and prayers!

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  13. I'm really sorry to hear it! I know that must be so tough but please try to remove the guilt! Its definitely not your fault. You could not have prevented anything. I'm thinking of you!

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  14. I'm sorry...I'm glad you can vent and write things out in this blog. I agree with others, you are not to blame...you have helped and supported him in so many ways. Sending you good thoughts.

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